#293 - There, done it!
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| My little baba bear |
Over the years I have filed thing intermittently, but as a result I had a few files with my Current Account statements in them, a few files with my Pensions, my Savings, Household, Car... you get the idea. They were filed but filed all over the place. Well, yesterday, I wrote down the various files I needed and what I needed to get into each file and it all came down to SEVEN files.
The school and the new business would be the other files, but here, just statements, etc that was seven files. It has been amazing really to see it all there. I also threw lots away. Like all my O2 phone bills. But I also kept a lot. Like my bank statements and statements from accounts which were now closed. Who knows right?
The conference was great as well, a real vindication of the work we are doing in the school. These things are shifting. All the results are coming in about the brokenness of the education system. All these are beginning to have new ways in which we are changing. It has just not been fit for purpose. There are too many people who are falling by the wayside. Everything is changing. The economic system, the education system, how we do business, how we treat each other... the ground is incredibly unsteady and here we are the edge of the tectonic plates. We are the pioneers, we are seeing the plates shifting and they are shifting big time. We are making it different. Our children are not putting up with things anymore.
It feels great really, to know that everything I have said was wrong has been called. I can call it. It is great because one of the most insiduous things that happened to me all my life was people telling me I was wrong. I can see now that I am right and it takes maybe twenty years, but in the end I am right. I can call it.
Yesterday was well, I experienced a real breakthrough with my behaviour. Something happened with threw me back into my old patterns of hurt and anger and frustration... I stayed there for probably twenty minutes, then I hung out my running gear and I remembered, My Heart is a Hearth - and then I remembered, I Will Not Let People Get Under My Skin and then, I Am A Force for Good.
I think this will save my life, this little mantra. Who knew that not letting people get under your skin in a benign way be a choice. Not getting irritated with people for being the idiots they are? For being the terrible cruel monsters they can be? For being the selfish greedy assholes? Who knew? And then to say, I will be positive, the world is going to shit, I need not to add to the mess. Finally, saying, I have a perpetual source of sunshine and warmth within me. I can use this. It is really a superpower. Use it to Love people. I am an infinite source of Love.
And that this is a genuine feeling... I do regret that I did behave in all those ways when I did not have this insight, but what else could I have done. Those were the cards that I was dealt with and I did try to do my best with them. But I have to give myself credit in changing the deck and realising that I was also responsible for replenishing that deck big time. But now I realise I been been drawing from a stupid deck. What a fucking week.
Lessons are being learnt all over the place. And I am feeling so grateful. I have also decided that whenever I feel pure joy and happiness, which can be a bit conceited and selfish, I have decided that I will say I feel so grateful. Also when I am sad and suffering, I will also say I am so grateful. I hope I have less of those moments...
I watched Sex in the City the film yesterday and it seemed so weirdly old, like a period drama. Literally, I guess. But the aesthetics, the values, the people, the characters, their behaviour... it all seemed really odd. I never really watched Sex in the City. I mean if it was on I'd watch it, but I never really followed it. It was just too over the top and the women were just self obsessed and ludicrous. Their outfits and their promiscuity were just not something I could associate with. I did read somewhere once that because their writer was gay, he portrayed the female protagonists like a fantasy version of gay men's life.
To me they weren't role models, but women to be pitied. Despite their privileged status, they were really impoverished as human beings. Spoilt, entitled, calloused - it was an object lesson in how NOT to use your new found emancipation from the traditional roles which women had been bound in. it was funny yes, but I always found it distasteful.
OK time for that run. Heading out now.
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