#301 - Hangover

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Behemoth

Yesterday's Nice Thing: Finally meeting with the person who is helping us start up our social enterprise

Well, so yesterday we finally got everything in gear.

We now have a direction, sign posts.

I feel so bruised and battered after the period. It's hard to describe how exhausted I am. It is like I have been drinking a whole lot and this is the morning after. It has been a long long time it feels since I have REALLY been like that. Probably since ... I dunno... certainly before summer... and then... it's been a long time. It feels like that part of my life has been played out. I wouldn't be surprised if I never drank like that again. What exactly saved me? I don't know actually. It just feels like one day, I just said, I can't go on like that and it stopped. 

Now when I think even of having a drink while I cooked... maybe one day I will do that again, but right now it is not a thing I want anymore. I suppose I am building a life I don't need to escape from. Yes I think what stopped was full-time teaching.

Yesterday I went to the Bible study - I was the only one there. It was so strange to be the only one there. We read the passages pertaining to Leviathan and Behemoth. Then Michael. What is the purpose of Evil? Evil was part of God's plan? God made Evil? God makes Evil to help us to become Good - to become truly Good. Because the truth is that we are either asleep or we are good. 

When we are good we incarnate the Ego - the spirit - we ask ourselves who are we all the time and have to answer that question when we are awake. And we are awake when we encounter Evil - the temptation to not be ourselves. The temptation to not be not who we are.

To bring ourselves into the moment - to be ourselves now.

Who Is Like God? That is literally what Michael means.

I am - I am like God, that is the answer. When we work with our heart strength we invoke the spirit of Michael.

I understand now. I understand it. Michael, Behemoth, Leviathan.

I understand.

All of the Earth passes.

All of the Earth passes.

All of the Earth passes.

This is who I am. I am like God. The best part of myself is here. I am able to stand in that moment.

Here we are - here we stand.

We must do our best and do what we most believe in, what we are called to do - not what our prejudice and preconceptions have determined for us. Now that I understand it, I do not know how I allowed it. How did I allow people to get under my skin? How did I allow myself to be swayed like an idiot? 'His tail sways like a cedar.'

Could the descriptions of these beings actually refer to our behaviours?

Leviathan is Lucifer - he his Pride. It is completely clear he his Pride. Thomas Aquinas said it was Envy? Could it just be a description of what happens when a 'demonic' force inhabits us? No, it is not as general as that. It is really specific. I think it is Pride, not Envy and it is not Envy because there is a generosity in Leviathan's description which is not in Envy.

There is something seductive about Leviathan as well. Something truly splendid about his terror.

And with Behemoth -

There is nothing in the passage which says these creatures are bad. They are all reminders of God's greatness. God created all these things... 

The passage in Revelations is different though - it is very specific.

The creatures are definitely Evil. But the Behemoth and Leviathan are something conjured in the imagination. I need to do lesson prep. 

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