#290 - A day of rain

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Image result for hillsborough town
The Main Street in Hillsborough

Yesterday's nice thing: Seeing Hillsbrough for the first time

Isn't it weird how you can be in a country for twenty years and never have gone to a place? Well, that was me and Hillsbourgh. Hillsbrough is a weird place. It is like being in a filmset. I can't quite get over how weird it is really. There are all these shops which I'm pretty sure are mostly just facades and then there is a giant stately home that dominates everything. It is waaaaaay too far from the sea. It is sort of a very small town surrounding a large home that is more or less in the middle of nowhere. No, well it is next to a giant out of town shopping centre, so not exactly in the middle of nowhere.

Truth be told I still haven't really gotten to grips with that bit of South Down. From Ballynahinch and downwards I get, the between Comber, Belfast and Lisburn... I got nothing. I'm not even sure if it is in South Down. It may be in Armagh. Which may explain things. Being so far away from the sea, for a start.

So, I have things down to a pat. No ipad in the bed, at any time. No more ipad. I WILL have a cup of tea around 4 pm to help me stay up to 9 pm.

The running is back on track again. I had my first trail of the first bits of my manifesto and it was a resounding success. It was like being just myself. Ignoring the demons in my head and going, yeah you know what, I'm BETTER than that. I am. Not like better quantitatively, not better like you know, better than i'm prettier, or smarter - but I am BETTER than that which I believe myself to be capable of. And whenever I was imbalancing, I would remember the three things and I would be alright.

I would right myself again.

It is really freedom. I am utterly, utterly free.

What I am free to do? I am free to be myself - I am free to be my BEST self. It has taken me this long and I have traveled a very very hard road, but I am now finally here. I claim who I am, warts and all, and I love this person who is now beginning on a new road, unencumbered by the things which weighed me down. I am so, so grateful. So grateful for every lesson I have learnt along the way. The mistakes I made, the detours, the fun I had. I am sorry I had to hurt so many people in the bargain, and sorry that I allowed so many people to hurt me, but there is a school of thought which says: the people whom you have had the most difficult relationship with are the ones whom you were closest to in a previous life or in the time between death and life, and before you were born, you made a pact to meet each other and teach each other an important life lesson.

It is nice to think about it from this angle.

Does this mean I won't hurt anymore nor be hurt? Probably not. But it does mean that perhaps I will be able to do either of these less. The flame of the heart is inexhaustible. I understand this now.

It is drawn from an infinite source. It is more eternal than the sun. It is a true miracle. We are miracles, we are walking miracles. The entire planet is a miracle. I don't know why this isn't enough for us.

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