#78
Well, things have settled down here on the hormonal front. All is now good in the garden. I have been left exhausted by it though, but I have also been sleeping lots in the afternoons and for the first time this morning felt halfway normal. By this weekend I'd say I'll be back to where I was.
Right now it feels like I have woken up - perhaps this is what being 48 is about - the last blast of the astral coming through before I start working with the etheric. It does feel like this. The last astral storm. I can't believe I have another year and a half before I hit 50. It's incredible.
Many things are slowly falling back into place and with that, the possibility of doing things again. It is so interesting to see how tired I am after a day of school. I barely have any time to recover before I go on to the next day.
I must think about how I can recover properly.
This weekend I am going to have to go back to running regularly. Every other day. That will really help.
The boys did breakfast in bed for me on Mother's Day. I think I recorded that.
Yesterday I wondered if anything mattered anymore. We were doing world geography and the students were so hopeless. And well they might be. In the last two generations, people have been remarkably stupid. My generation and my parents generation are responsible for the wholesale destruction of the Earth. I wonder if it will continue or will our children be able to sort reality from maya?
Perhaps the book I should write should begin with children first. There are so many stories I have met over the past seven years. Children are so open and vulnerable. They are incredible really.
This morning is a morning like no other. A morning filled with birdsong. And yet we curse it. What is wrong with us? I know that the Earth is dying... everything dies, of course it does, everything passes into time. Nothing lasts... even the most distant starlight are the echoes of stars which no longer exist. What we see, what we point to has disappeared. So the Earth too, one day will disappear. That is what Steiner was trying to say. Perhaps I have been working on the wrong premise at all times. We cannot 'save' something by trying to 'save' it. Our purpose here is to be good to each other. To love. If we took care of love, everything else will take care of itself. And that quality of love, what that love is, is what we struggle the most with, of course.
The meaning of life I now know, more than ever is not to know or to live, but to love. To really engage with and to come to an understanding of what love might be - is... and that is why we suffer. We suffer because it is one of the attributes of love. Only because we love that we suffer. I understand now. Everything else is just fluff. Love in its entirety. Within the limits of the bowl of the sky. Everything in the past, present and future points to this. I understand it now. To be good to each other.
Why did it take such a long, long time to understand this?
It doesn't matter. What matters is that I understand this now.
I feel every thorn within melt away. It is coming to an understanding, a new vision. But more than that - I have unlocked the door and am stepping into a new world. A voyage of discovery.
Right now it feels like I have woken up - perhaps this is what being 48 is about - the last blast of the astral coming through before I start working with the etheric. It does feel like this. The last astral storm. I can't believe I have another year and a half before I hit 50. It's incredible.
Many things are slowly falling back into place and with that, the possibility of doing things again. It is so interesting to see how tired I am after a day of school. I barely have any time to recover before I go on to the next day.
I must think about how I can recover properly.
This weekend I am going to have to go back to running regularly. Every other day. That will really help.
The boys did breakfast in bed for me on Mother's Day. I think I recorded that.
Yesterday I wondered if anything mattered anymore. We were doing world geography and the students were so hopeless. And well they might be. In the last two generations, people have been remarkably stupid. My generation and my parents generation are responsible for the wholesale destruction of the Earth. I wonder if it will continue or will our children be able to sort reality from maya?
Perhaps the book I should write should begin with children first. There are so many stories I have met over the past seven years. Children are so open and vulnerable. They are incredible really.
This morning is a morning like no other. A morning filled with birdsong. And yet we curse it. What is wrong with us? I know that the Earth is dying... everything dies, of course it does, everything passes into time. Nothing lasts... even the most distant starlight are the echoes of stars which no longer exist. What we see, what we point to has disappeared. So the Earth too, one day will disappear. That is what Steiner was trying to say. Perhaps I have been working on the wrong premise at all times. We cannot 'save' something by trying to 'save' it. Our purpose here is to be good to each other. To love. If we took care of love, everything else will take care of itself. And that quality of love, what that love is, is what we struggle the most with, of course.
The meaning of life I now know, more than ever is not to know or to live, but to love. To really engage with and to come to an understanding of what love might be - is... and that is why we suffer. We suffer because it is one of the attributes of love. Only because we love that we suffer. I understand now. Everything else is just fluff. Love in its entirety. Within the limits of the bowl of the sky. Everything in the past, present and future points to this. I understand it now. To be good to each other.
Why did it take such a long, long time to understand this?
It doesn't matter. What matters is that I understand this now.
I feel every thorn within melt away. It is coming to an understanding, a new vision. But more than that - I have unlocked the door and am stepping into a new world. A voyage of discovery.
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