#113 - Dawn Chorus

It is the last days of the holiday already. And the light from the sunrise is amazing.

If feels like I have got the hang of life. Tea, run, breakfast... all those things in between. Take a drive. Enjoy conversation. Have a good life, you know. It us a coolish late spring morning.

I am busy getting things done for tomorrow today. And still something buzzes in my brain. The book has gotten no further. I was quite distracted back there for a bit.

But I'm back on track. And there is something I have learned through doing the Tarot. That it is yet another expression of mankind's longing to unite with the divine. That it is our deepest wish to pierce beyond the surface, the maya of reality and find something which speaks to us about the beautiful and the sublime - to give us hope - to comfort us.

However, through my many inquisitions, I am left with the conclusion that reality is spirituality. It is one and the same. It is utterly conjoined - when we perceive the world before us, we are gazing into the face of God. And God is Love. So it is only right that we treat reality the way we would treat someone which we deeply and truly love and care for. Well, I say right - but the best outcome for all this is that we treat reality with love and tenderness and affection. Not like some slave from which we can squeeze every outcome for ourselves from. That is the road to perdition.

So my motto is now - be kinder, more forgiving, more loving - more accepting.

More of all these things.

It isn't all about me.

Really, it isn't. I think that's the nice thing about getting older. You are quite happy for things not about to be you any more.

It is a good feeling.

It is almost 7 am.

I came down today and Oisin was still studying. I am just amazed at his level of motivation. He has taken the entire Lagan College thing and really run with it. His loves his subjects and he is getting excellent grades in them. He is someone who has many many strings to his bow and I know that Steiner education gave him that. Someone who isn't afraid of life - someone who embraces it entirely, almost without this terrible ego as well.

Yesterday travelling around with Ghin I was so astonished at what a sweet boy he was. As we returned to Belfast I said to him that every minute I have ever spent with him has been a gift. That's very nice to say mom, he replied. I said, you are about to leave childhood and become a teenager - and I want you to know that the past 12 years have been such a blessing to me. Thank you.

I know I write loads about the boys here, but who else would I write about? I love them so completely. We never know how much we have and for how long we have it - the important thing is to love it utterly while we have it so that we know, we know that one way when it is all gone, we were paying attention. I have learnt that if we pay attention then we will never have any regrets.

Taking photos can help to remind us of how much we DID pay attention.

When we just moved into Ardmore