#3
Yesterday: Write, run, feed birds, laundry (x3) organise hall, organise dining room, organise trip to Derry to get marriage cert and Oisin's birth cert reissued (passport apps), walk to Scrabo, laugh loads, trip to Asian market, cook from Wagamama cook book, head to bed, get Ghin into bed, listen to music, write briefly about being smug I got so much done, sleep...
I have resuscitated a song I head years and years ago - Starry Eyed by Codes and added it to my playlist. I have also discovered a Sportify channel with great music. I love algorithms - I don't fucking care that they know me - for something like music, I am yes, just give it to me.
Having everyone over this holidays shook my out of my routine and forced me to just do stuff I am used to - and do things after school instead of slooping into a boneless slump. This could be anything from collecting Oisin from Lagan with Pa to going to the shops, once again with Ma. It was getting a plumber for the house in Ardmore, it was making a gingerbread house with Aurelia... and about that gingerbread house... apparently it doesn't matter if you haven't done something for 10,000 hours, I was really impressed with myself, just pulling things out of a cupboard, remembering the recipe and just creating a gingerbread house - including icing - from scratch. After that the entire kitchen and all my hair smelt of the spices and to me, it IS the scent of Christmas.
Meditation after Scrabo
The emptiness of the trees at this time of the year, their severity, but also their truthfulness - here we are, they say, after everything else has left, this is what remains. Our colours - darkest brown to the palest yellow. And the skies, rearranged to gradations of greys. In Malay - ash is abuk and waves are ombak - and that is what I thought of when I saw the stillness of the clouds, a watercolour whose breath has been held for as long as I was patient enough to see.
For Gary
We have a very beautiful cat.
He is extremely elegant and rather fat.
From his little pink nose, to his dark liquid eyes,
there is an appearance of the exceedingly wise.
When he walks there is no sound
so nothing can disturb his thoughts profound.
He sits with a monk's prayer-like stillness,
watching cars and birds and people pass.
He loves sleeping in warm comfy spots -
sofas, and at the feet of beds, and whatnot.
When dinner is served, he comes running,
and jumps on the table, manners not withstanding.
Best of all he hates a cuddle,
unless he decides to come to you for a snuggle.
Oh Gary, you charming cat!
You are so gorgeous and rather fat.
There you go, two pieces of writing. I know I will be able to keep this up, because, for some reason, this year feels different. Something has clicked in the changing of the year. The world, it feels abundant and luscious for some reason. There is something astonishing about this, my last year of this seven-year cycle. I can tell you, it feels like I have come to the end of this particular quest. Perhaps it HAS something to do with my own journey as a class teacher... but it is more, much more than that. I am so grateful for the patience it has made me learn - going deep into places, in fact creating places which I never knew existed.
I was talking about the value of suffering - especially suffering which you never chose. There is so much teaching in that - its absurdity is so pure that you can, eventually, stand apart from it and go, these are the things which I can learn from. That kind of suffering I truly dread, but as the Lord's Prayer says, should it ever happen to us - and we don't want it to - please give us the strength to bear it out.
Finally, one last piece -
We went back to Scrabo because Ghin wanted to return to this massive hill to scale it and then run down it. It was incredible to see him - and Oisin - climb it. As they came down, sliding over the fallen leaves, it was also difficult to comprehend that 12 years ago he was almost ready to be born. I was so large and was getting ready for him to enter the world. Perhaps Januaries aren't as pointless as I thought they were... perhaps I have always welcomed them and never noticed. I cannot tell you how awesome it feels to have the dining room finally cleared and sorted. To be able to hear myself think. These things do make a difference, they really do.
Right, I'm off to finish off dinner - courgettes with mock abalone.
I have resuscitated a song I head years and years ago - Starry Eyed by Codes and added it to my playlist. I have also discovered a Sportify channel with great music. I love algorithms - I don't fucking care that they know me - for something like music, I am yes, just give it to me.
Having everyone over this holidays shook my out of my routine and forced me to just do stuff I am used to - and do things after school instead of slooping into a boneless slump. This could be anything from collecting Oisin from Lagan with Pa to going to the shops, once again with Ma. It was getting a plumber for the house in Ardmore, it was making a gingerbread house with Aurelia... and about that gingerbread house... apparently it doesn't matter if you haven't done something for 10,000 hours, I was really impressed with myself, just pulling things out of a cupboard, remembering the recipe and just creating a gingerbread house - including icing - from scratch. After that the entire kitchen and all my hair smelt of the spices and to me, it IS the scent of Christmas.
Meditation after Scrabo
The emptiness of the trees at this time of the year, their severity, but also their truthfulness - here we are, they say, after everything else has left, this is what remains. Our colours - darkest brown to the palest yellow. And the skies, rearranged to gradations of greys. In Malay - ash is abuk and waves are ombak - and that is what I thought of when I saw the stillness of the clouds, a watercolour whose breath has been held for as long as I was patient enough to see.
For Gary
We have a very beautiful cat.
He is extremely elegant and rather fat.
From his little pink nose, to his dark liquid eyes,
there is an appearance of the exceedingly wise.
When he walks there is no sound
so nothing can disturb his thoughts profound.
He sits with a monk's prayer-like stillness,
watching cars and birds and people pass.
He loves sleeping in warm comfy spots -
sofas, and at the feet of beds, and whatnot.
When dinner is served, he comes running,
and jumps on the table, manners not withstanding.
Best of all he hates a cuddle,
unless he decides to come to you for a snuggle.
Oh Gary, you charming cat!
You are so gorgeous and rather fat.
There you go, two pieces of writing. I know I will be able to keep this up, because, for some reason, this year feels different. Something has clicked in the changing of the year. The world, it feels abundant and luscious for some reason. There is something astonishing about this, my last year of this seven-year cycle. I can tell you, it feels like I have come to the end of this particular quest. Perhaps it HAS something to do with my own journey as a class teacher... but it is more, much more than that. I am so grateful for the patience it has made me learn - going deep into places, in fact creating places which I never knew existed.
I was talking about the value of suffering - especially suffering which you never chose. There is so much teaching in that - its absurdity is so pure that you can, eventually, stand apart from it and go, these are the things which I can learn from. That kind of suffering I truly dread, but as the Lord's Prayer says, should it ever happen to us - and we don't want it to - please give us the strength to bear it out.
Finally, one last piece -
We went back to Scrabo because Ghin wanted to return to this massive hill to scale it and then run down it. It was incredible to see him - and Oisin - climb it. As they came down, sliding over the fallen leaves, it was also difficult to comprehend that 12 years ago he was almost ready to be born. I was so large and was getting ready for him to enter the world. Perhaps Januaries aren't as pointless as I thought they were... perhaps I have always welcomed them and never noticed. I cannot tell you how awesome it feels to have the dining room finally cleared and sorted. To be able to hear myself think. These things do make a difference, they really do.
Right, I'm off to finish off dinner - courgettes with mock abalone.
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