#17

Yesterday's nice thing: A beautiful sunrise and the boys saying the lasagna I made was the best ever. Working on Frankenstein essay with Oisin.

So, three nice things in fact.

Today the class does perspective drawing and we also do the medieval cathedrals. It is strange living in the Middle Ages. There is so much which is known and also unknown. This is a really good example of how impoverished our knowledge of life can always be - we can never know something from the past fully - indeed we barely know anything in the present fully as well.

Yesterday I had a nap at 5 and then I was pretty much done for the day - this was of course after cooking. Today we are knitting as a group ... and I have to get Oisin at 4.30 pm from school.

Waking now I am getting used to the wrench in the bed. It is hard, but it is necessary. If I don't do this in the morning I will be slightly crazy in the day - this time is necessary to sit and think and process the day and everything in between. I am feeling like I'm running on empty. It is hard to believe we have just had a holiday.

Meanwhile the world is going to shite. It must be interesting being someone like Corbyn. By that I mean someone who has always tried to do the right thing. I assume he got into parliament because he wanted to help his constituents. Maybe stop the car crash which is taking place now, but it is more or less hopeless. There weren't enough like him, and of course the mess which he tried so hard to fight against has come to pass. A mess of the Tories and the New Labour's making - it is more than depressing really.

Here we are trying our very very best to make sense of things. Well, maybe, just maybe... there are people I know stockpiling food. And medicine. And it was interesting listening to David Lammy's speech about blaming Westminster, not the EU. Well, is it too late now? The best solution they have so far - extend Article 50. Have a new referendum. I think that's going to happen is a twilight zone. And how does anyone plan for living in a twilight zone?

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I wonder what Oisin sees and thinks and feels about his future? Self determinism is something which they must do. 

Well, another fifteen minutes. It sometimes feel pointless doing this everyday, but it is an act of will. An act of getting up at the same time and doing what you promised. Sometimes I think that I don't do what I am supposed to do as an act of rebellion, not just because I am tired. But also because I am tired. It is almost that after all these years, I can now breathe out a little - the years of looking at the boys, working, keeping the house, putting up with all the shit thrown in my direction and I am still standing. Next week I start running again and I can't wait. My throat is still quite sore, but it will be fine. I have missed my period now for the second month running and I am going through a hormonal snowstorm as well - my hot flashes are crazy - I think especially because I haven't been running. I notice they are more present when I am not as busy.

So, life goes on. I have made it through week two of January.

Yesterday we read the Steiner verse - and it reminded us of the soul's seeking in the difficulty of winter - that while the outside sleeps, we are a hive of activity within - new life stirs beneath the earth, even now - the sun passes through the Earth, is spiritualised by it and we experience an awakening. It is a time for planning and execution and a time for new beginnings. This is the spiritual reality behind the new beginnings and we must remember that even encoded in our lives, there are hidden reasons, we only need to seek them.

Another really nice thing is that this week's weekly shop has really stood us in good stead. I haven't had to go out and buy anything new - there is still lots of food and I am going to have to freeze some food even, just to make sure it doesn't go off. It is very satisfying indeed to work from this place of abundance and plenty. We are so lucky to live in the 21st century, we must really remember that. And instead of approaching life with waste, we need to do so with humility and frugality, in recognition of the sacrifices which people have made for us. This attitude of arrogance and the best will just no longer cut it anymore. And that is also my take away for this year. Living in humility. As I said that, there was a huge relief, like all the tension went out of my shoulders. I have nothing to prove to anyone, and no one has anything to prove to me. The world is as is, and I am here, and we are meant to love each other. And if I do not remember that, then I might as well remember nothing else.