#110.21 - A time of plenty of time

I love being alone. I love just sitting and thinking and not doing much. Although I did really not do much yesterday after the boys left. 

I will look back on this time in my life, if it ever passes, and remember that for this year there was a shining moment when I was responsibility free. I ha discharged my main duties as mother - the practical side of things - and was no longer cleaning up after the boys. Washing tonnes and tonnes of clothes. That everything could be done once a week and it would be enough. I could spend hours watching TV and the world would not fall apart. I could do whatever I pleased and pleased I would be. I will look back on this time as an oasis. A time of plenty of time.

It has been exactly five weeks since I began running... right? Yes, yes it has. I tried looking at running shoes online and they are very manageable in price, but the thought of getting them, discovering they are not fitting then having to return them just is soooo annoying. Also the drivers of these parcels are the modern day miners. It is obscene what they have to go through to deliver these express delivery parcels. Everyone wants something now all the time everyday. And they can get it within 24 hours. I want to know how that happens? 

Actually I do not.

The AI has stopped advertising secret pooping habits and inane wrinkle free videos ... at one stage they were advertising these silk pillow cases as if this would help with aging. The secret to aging is to not care about it. How about that? I was walking with Emma yesterday and said how lucky I was to have these wonderful women in my life - slightly older women - who were trailblazers in the getting older stakes. Women who were really in their power, women who were the original children of the 60s, who in their own ways, own very unique ways, what forged paths which I can now walk in. I was so lucky. 

Of course having Ma and Mama - both of them - and other amazing female role models... I said sadly good role male models were few and far in between. I can count them on one hand I think, but they are there. Many of my good male friends are amazing men. Ghin and Oisín have no access to them, but they are there and I am grateful that at least they make up some part of the journey. Interestingly many of them are in Singapore.... I've just realised this. I put it down to NS. Despite the overtly militaristic and nationalistic underpinnings and overtones, NS does give boys a rite of passage which otherwise they would not have. I am still very lucky to have those men accompany me part of my life. 

I also was saying to Ma how the two boys have an amazing sense of humour and were so happy - were always laughing and joking. They were carefree - they were brought up that way, without any concerns. There is time for concern enough in the future. For now, just enjoy what is available. And tomorrow the cares of the world can then be on your shoulders.

I love how careful Oisín is with money, how much of respect he has for it. 

But respect not enthrallment. There is a difference.

I might go running in Belvoir Park Forest today. The weather is so nice and I would love to try out my hill running skills. It has been a few weeks only but already I have made such huge progress. The drop zone is going well and I am delighted with how I feel. Honestly, I cannot remember being so happy in ages. And I will sit back and enjoy this happiness. Everything is just as it should be now. I only need to add productivity to the mix which I will do today.

The Irish is going great, the Autism awareness is going great, the exercise and no alcohol is going great, the class prep is going great, and we just need add the Forest School - for everything to start - and my art and piano playing... I am so happy. I think there is no greater joy than a parent knowing that your child is making their way fine in the world, doing what they want to do, pursuing what they want to do. Nothing makes you happier. Nothing.