#102.21 - Beautiful mornings are here

If you do not get up before dawn in the spring you are missing the best part of the day. I get up early because it is the same feeling as walking on an empty beach. You are there by yourself and you can think. It is strange returning to those memories and 'fixing' them. Realising before it is too late that being alone in these beautiful places was a blessing, a rare thing. 

My health and fitness is in the exact place I thought they would be a week ago. I never thought it would be so successful. I had hoped that I would have found some kind of respite when I went of alcohol and started running again, but I never imagined that it would be so successful. Never. I wore my blue loose dress yesterday and it was loose. Not just about comfortable. And I put on my sunglasses and I looked awesome, not pathetic. There is something about being on the right side of how you feel which is tied to how you look which is so true. The next two months will be about embedding that and then I will have the formula for the rest of my life. 

It is yes extremely shocking how much of this has to do with the leisurely life I lead - well, sort of leisurely - I can say that now that I have been in holidays for the past week - and how it cost £0 to do this. The only thing which has cost me extra ££ has been the supplements. But it isn't a huge amount of £ when compared to booze or gym memberships. You can do this all by yourself. The last time I was here I was very very depressed and the time before that I was in a rainforest and contracted serious diarrhea. And the time before that I was anaeroxic. Oh yes there was that one time I was on an 0 type diet which made me cut out all kinds of things. So this is the first time I have been able to do this in a healthy controlled way. In a way which says to me, all you have to do is do this for the rest of your life and you will be fine. 

This is the year I put my health first in a sensible and intelligent way. Perhaps this is the first year I could have. 

I have something to look forward to every year now, even in the depths of winter, the dregs of winter. 

The lemon hot water first thing in the morning is so stimulating. It is a great way to get rid of anything which needs to be gotten rid of. I had ribs yesterday for the first time in ages and now thanks to this now life I have I no longer have a craving for meat. So my expenses have gone down considerably. I have also started orienting myself towards the house which means that I no longer think of going on holidays and having to see places. I no longer have that wanderlust in me. I am happy to look after this, my little patch. I think I always have though. I'm glad I did those things, but i'm glad I'm here too. 

It was nice walking with Oisin down to town yesterday. We were talking about academia and he said I hate those references. I said, well the references are annoying - they are there for two reasons. First, it is so that you can found out new things, and secondly, it is so that academics can increase their rankings. The more they are cited, the higher their ranked status. It is such a waste of time he said. I agree it is very annoying. Then i explained that's why I never ended up doing a PhD. I just found it so pointless. I did my MA and my lecturer asked me do you want to do a PhD. And I said, yes I hope to. Well he said you only do a PhD if you want to enter academia. Otherwise it is a waste of time. At that time I was very annoyed because I thought he was being cynical, but it was true - and the ego involved - nope. It is really pointless. I think education is going to change from knowledge into skills. Yep, Oisin said. 

Well, who knows? Who knows indeed. 

What a beautiful morning. 

It has been such great weather. 

So by the end of this week, it will be halved again. And then halved after that. And then by the end of May I will be more or less 100% reset. I don't care, I am going to be super delighted about it as is my right. In February I never thought that I would ever get rid of my brain fog and I here I am restored, more or less. I said this to Heidi and she said, you blamed this on your menopause - I said, I know. It is good you can admit this and recognise that it was the wine. 

But everything else as well. Scrubbed, I feel completely scrubbed both inside and out and do not ever want to feel any other way. 

Thank you the universe for helping me get better. Thank you. Stephanie at the start of February, everything will be alright. Everything will sort itself out. Life is an amazing adventure.