#372 - Sixth Holy Night

Holy Night 6 – 2020

December 29-30 – Gemini: UNITY: LIVING WITH THE COURAGE OF OUR CONVICTIONS (AS ABOVE, SO BELOW)

Now follow the three nights of the sword.

Peter’s night. Night of the consecration of the sword. Each of us must forge his or her own sword of discernment. Each of us must unite our spiritual will with the eternal, the immortal, and the perishable, and in this way we shall recognize the truth.

Mystery: Bring together the Son of God with the Son of Man – Unity.

Rudolf Steiner’s indications for the Holy Nights given to Herbert Hahn

Translation from German by Laura Zanutto 2015 adjusted by Mark Willan 2016

I love this painting. It is called the Guardians of the Nativity.

In the Tarot cards, the Sword is the card which brings sorrow. This is because consciousness brings sorrow - being aware of things - because when we are aware we suffer. Knowledge is suffering. Ignorance is bliss. But the paradox is that only through suffering can we redeem ourselves. It is only when we bring suffering to bear - real suffering not self indulgent shite - do we transform ourselves. And what is the truest form of suffering - the acceptance of the self. Again this is a paradox. We suffer at the thought of our true self, and we inflict much suffering on ourselves and others when we run from it, and then we suffer once more to face the True Self. However, when this is done we discover that the embrace of the shadow is liberating. When our shadow can forgive the self will we find that we have fought against nothing.

The capacity to suffer is fascinating. If we did not suffer, just as if we did not feel physical pain, we would end up inflicting untold damage on ourselves and others. Suffering is a very real way of telling us we have reached the edges, the boundaries of ourselves - literally and metaphorically.

People who cannot suffer are sociopaths or even psychopaths. The something which is missing in them results in a damage which comes from not understanding that what they do is terrible.

However, the Sword in the Tarot also brings transformation. I had always seen it as a deck of cards which were the toughest in its message. From the waking nightmare of the sleeper to the ten of swords where ten swords stab the fallen in their back, they are cards which keep things real. Cards which bring a serious message. The bitter in the sweet, the working we have to do in life. And they are cards which conceal so much behind their doors - only you can walk through the door and only you can retrieve the lesson which is meant for you. Joys impregnate. Sorrows bring forth, said Blake.

The three nights of the Sword. Our mundane purpose unites with the higher purpose. Our physical presence gives meaning to our spiritual destiny, and vice versa. One without the other is pointless. They are the ballast to the vessel of our lives. 

Courage, bearing our suffering with dignity? I don't know the qualities and actions of this Holy Night. I'm sure it will come.

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Yesterday as I sat in the chapel, before I started thinking of seafood chowder, I thought of how strange it was to no longer feel a raging in my soul. This is what 50 has in store for me, clearly. I sat and mulled and wondered... does this mean I have transformed my astral body? All those years of the 40s, there is something which has happened without me even noticing. And now the etheric .... I guess? Which is all about developing new habits. Hmmmm.... strange.

But there is that isn't there? Being 50. What could I tell women about being 50? Ignore everything you have been told and find your own path. I was watching a video about Madonna and how she now had butt implants. So strange. So strange to live your life in the public eye like that. Anyway, what would I know I don't do that so, who cares right?

It was a good day yesterday. My second run day. Wrote. Planned. The 4 am start is good. I need to be running now if it is a school day. You know the list goes on and on. It is a good list. I looked at my old schedule and it still applied so, again good. The boys came back. I cooked seafood chowder. And oh yes I went to see Anthony who told me this hilarious story about a Tennessee Warbler on Inishbofin. It was hilarious. I told him it would make a great film. It has so many fab elements. The pandemic, a weird thing, bird watching, obsession, the Galway mafia, etc etc. It was the best thing I had heard in ages. We caught up socially distanced, of course. This is the first year I have never been ill and I'd quite like to keep it that way. It was a long time in catching up and we did catch up. It was good like that. I wonder about amazon deliveries. Do they not have Covid on them? So strange. Then I got home and the boys had pizza and I chilled with them for a bit. Before heading to bed at 9.30 which was late for me. 

Nights are spent reading before sleeping. There is a relief in this. No longer answerable to another person. No longer in resentment distance. Gone.

As a joke I asked the boys if they would be upset if I got a boyfriend and Ghin said could you wait till this is all over and Oisin said it would make it easier with dad. In other words, too soon. But to be honest I am in no hurry to get a boyfriend or life partner. In any case, my standards are now too high and I have long accepted that like many of my single female friends, there hasn't been a man which is ready to take me on. I am just too fucking scary. And I am not lowering those standards for anyone any more. Nope.

Absolutely not. It is simply not worth it.

There is a relief in just doing my own thing, especially after two decades of so clearly not being able to do my own thing. The relief of being really free to experience whatever I wanted to for the first time since I was pregnant. That is well over 20 years. I know that often women feel the empty nest when their children leave, but I have no such feeling. I am so happy for them, especially for Oisin. My dearest Oisin who is full tales of wonder of foreign countries. We tease each other mercilessly. We share in each other's triumphs. He has always been like a little older brother to me, especially when Ghin came along. I could never have made it through Ghin's infancy without him being the person whom he is. 

Well what is the Sixth Holy Night about?

Gemini. Gemini is my Oisin and Pa. 

As above, so below is the motto of the Holy Nights. Time to start writing again.