312 - 28.8.26 - 12: If you're fond of sand dunes...

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Went for my shore run yesterday. Everything is easier in this weather. Running in Singapore, especially outdoors is hell. Im pretty sure i've just put on water again because i'm not perspiring any more. I then went to school, did the presentation, met Jemma, tidied the house and then met Heidi for dinner. 

It was so nice - just everything. It was so nice to have a good chat with Heidi. It had literally been months. We talked about everything. The boys, Pa's passing, her own experience of her father's death, Holywood - we talked about everything. And we laughed about everything. You know what's the best thing though with good friends... you know who is in your corner. They have watched everything you have been through and they have borne witness.

The one thing which people always remark on is how wonderful the boys are - and they are wonderful and I know they are wonderful because of me - because there is an experiment being set up and the difference between the boys is clear. I told Heidi that my philosophy was always 'doing my best' because should the boys ever become serial killers or just bad people in general, i wanted to be able to look at myself in the mirror and say, I did my best. Not that I did it perfectly, but I did do my best. And I have. Honestly, now that they are both past the age of 18 they are beyond my sphere of influence. However, their love for Singapore, growing up in two worlds, well, that's one me. 

As this blog is testament to.

There was so much laughter as well. So much laughing. Meeting Heidi, Kevin, Jemma, Siuban and today, Janet... Blaithin and Georgie - I have good good friends. Good friends whom have stood the test of time. Connections. And if I wanted to continue meeting people indefinitely here I could. I feel so blessed.

I'll never forget I once said to Gargamel something about having friends and he told me, Who would want to be friends with you? He really is a piece of shit. A piece of shit which is no longer my problem. 

Well, I guess I am going to go to school and after I meet with Janet I'll head back here and do the hoovering. Yesterday I tidied up. Ghin arrives on Sunday. I am so looking forward to it. But it is also sad because I know that with his arrival, the peace and quiet ends.

I was listening to this conversation amongst three doctors about the burnout which caregivers have. Apparently Dolly Parton, despite having her hundreds of millions and being 80 years old, ended up looking after her very ill husband herself. This resulted in caregivers burnout. When I think back to looking after Pa and how exhausted I was after the funeral - maybe, in a way, my hand being cut forced me to rest. And now looking after Ma - really it's alright. Ma is good and we are enjoying ourselves having this us time. She is really no bother at all.

In fact, it is a really nice part of my sabbatical spending all this time with her.

Singapore really is shite. So shite. But what else can I do? I don't even know what next year brings. All I know is that I have bought sometime for myself and ma and to see how this will work. That's all for now. Right time to head to school. 

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