313 - 29.8.26 - 13: Time with friends

Scrabo Tower

Jet lag is now defeated. For the fifth time this year. As I said yesterday it has been exhausting. But it is also so nice meeting up with people and seeing how much of a life which has been covered over these years. Yesterday was Janet and Liz. I walked with Janet around Cairn Woods and then we had lunch at McKees. Both places so much a part of my life on the Ards Peninsula. Cairn Woods I did Forest School and McKees so many lunches and shopping. Steaks, vegetables, lemon meringue, tartlets, etc. It has been magical. Yes, the place is fraught with so much history, but which place isn't? 

Janet - I had known since 2002 - when Oisin was 6 months old - meant that we had lots to catch up about. Our own life journeys, people we knew and what had happened to them. I said that Kevin and I had met up and jokingly we said that we were the greatest generation in the RSPB here. She agreed and said we were all committed in doing things that we loved. I said, and you know we all had so much fun. We did. And then it all came to an end. I said I know, I thought I was going to die in the RSPB. That's what I always thought. 

We also spoke about another close friend who had early onset Alzheimers at the age of 56. Well, my age really. So four years ago. We talked about the good memories and I said that honestly, we had the best time of our lives with each other. I still didn't know why the friendship ended, but the memories were amazing. Memories which were made which 99% of the world would never get in their lifetimes. Finally, I said it was good that he was looked after. The thing though is that I didn't realise that despite all the years passing, there had been no closure. But this conversation gave me the closure which I needed. Plus with the end of the divorce, and at the age of 56, it feels like this chapter in my life had closed.

It does seem strange really. That at the age of 56, as I enter the next phase of life, so many things have been tied up for me. Things are ending and things are beginning and actually I do not know where I go next.

Looking back at the last 14 years, what can I say?

1. I trained as a Steiner teacher and taught for 14 years.

2. I trained as a Forest School exponent and worked at 14 years at that too.

3. I tried to make the marriage work and failed and I finally got my decree absolut come through this year.

4. I raised two incredible children. There is an actual control test taking place and it is clear that the boys and who they are are largely due to my dedication to them - since 2001. 

5. I am about to finish editing my draft - I think that has to be the next phase - the short story collection.

6. I have looked after many people who have come through my life.

7. Starting the drumming group.

So I think the next year at least is about the following:-

1. Looking after Ma.

2. My fitness journey to continue.

3. Completing and publishing my short story collection.

4. Working on human rights and education.

5. Admin

The boys are now more or less self sufficient. I have done what I need to do. I cannot believe they are no longer at the top of the list. Every time I have done this list, they have been at the top of it. Now it is all about the benefits we gather, we harvest. We bring it together. And we celebrate. We rejoice. This is the meaning of abundance. 

In many ways, the meetings with friends has been about that bounty. It has been a time travelling journey through my 30 years here. I keep thinking I stayed in Derry for a long time, but really, it was only 3 years - 1998 - 2001. Only three years. But it was enough to make me think I knew something of Derry. Meeting these people has made me realise that I did have a life here. That I did have not just 30 years, which is the horizontal understanding of time, but also depth. And it is a depth which has been so profound and beautiful that it will last me for the rest of my life. 

I leave Ireland - for now - with my heart full and my eyes filled with tears as I look over the horizon. I leave the harbour of Ireland for the shores of Singapore once again. The best tribute I can have to the time I have been here is to bring the love and warmth and gentleness and the fire and determination and the struggle which characterises the Irish in my heart to Singapore. That I tap into the land here and ensure that I do not lose myself in the insanity of Singapore. I don't know how to recreate this wonderful community which I have been part of, but maybe, just maybe, I don't have to and I can just continue to draw nourishment from it as I go on. 

I do have all the people whom I sail towards there. I have two homes and I will continue to have two homes. And that has to mean something.