309 - 25.8.26 - 9

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So lucky to have worked here

I went running yesterday at Belvoir Park forest. As I drove there a strong sense of sorrow overcame me as i thought of all the years i spent driving up and down that motorway which in essence hasn't changed at all. It is still the same. Protected from the madness of having too much money, Belfast is looking better - but - well let's just say it has aged as it should and not looks like some jumped up aging asshole with hair plugs and botox. That is what Singapore is effectively. 

Anyway, I went running along the tow path. The sun shone and the water glimmered. Everywhere the celebration of Lunasa was rejoicing. I ran and remembered so much. So much. I did my stretches beneath the copper beeches. I thought of the many lunches I had out in the sun when it did shine. I thought of the walks I had taken and the hands which were held. The boys and the birds and the scent of Himalayan balsam at this time of the year. Ramsons in the spring. Woodland anemones at the start of summer. Everything now beginning to walk from me.

I have been so tired. Jetlag takes longer everytime especially if you don't have something you must do. 

I shopped at M&S thinking I would spend my giftcard but I had brought the wrong part of the giftcard, so at least we will have that when Ghin is here. Called up to Emma to pay Larli, chatted with her. We talked about a lot. I invited her over to have something to eat. She didn't eat but we did talk. Then I went for a walk with Siuban to just catch up. 

Friends can be so disappointing is what I have always learnt, but I have also learnt that it's ok. It has been a long time since I have felt the agonising pain of someone hurting me. When I do now, I just bat it away. It is because I know how to set boundaries and enforce them. 

After the walk I came home and fell asleep. It was past 1 am. My sleep is all over the place and my will is scattered. I got up once to eat and then up at 5.30 am to have breakfast and then I'll go for a run at 9 am. After that I'll call in at school. I think I'll run by the lough today. And tomorrow I'll run up the hill. I'll start running. I started running Monday, so I'll keep going. 

After calling in at school I'll come back and work on the presentation. I am going to miss everything and everyone. I'm also planning to start the clean up for the garden. I'll start today. And I'll also clean the house. It starts today. Life here is so simple. It need only be simple. I don't know why life in Singapore has to be so complicated. Why does it have to be so managed and micromanaged. I should just spend the year documenting that.

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