214 - 2.8.26 - -15: Holiday

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I've been feeling exhausted. Yesterday, the boys and I went to Marine Parade. It was so nice. The place was not busy. The day was - well, you see what it was like. We dithered about taking bikes or not. All the bike places had closed and I was exasperated to see that I now had to download an app to hire a bike. There was something which was lost. So we walked until I realised we couldn't walk any more to where I thought we should go and we came upon the McDonalds which had been renovated. Now the area had a few other outlets. Oisin chose a really nice Indian Muslim place. I had the murtabak which was massive. Ghin and he had tandoori chicken with briyani. 

It was sooo nice. Then after that we walked back to the car - not having taken the bikes. But in really good spirits. Laughing and joking and just enjoying the wonderful weather, bellies full and happy with leftovers for later. It was a searingly hot day - one of the hottest since we arrived so we decided to go to the pool. The pool, at 3 pm, was mostly empty. Everyone was at the fair. We languished and played and spat water at each other. I didn't swim. Actually I didn't do any running or swimming for a couple of days. But it was still so good.

When I took the pool picture, I told the boys, for the first time, I feel as if I am on holiday. Many of the big financial expenses have been made. All of the estate shit has been settled. Ma is good. I understood that she is receiving the best possible care. The boys are great. Pa has passed on and the numbing shock was over and the sting of the fourth month is now fading. Things are sliding back in place. Still though, when we do things, I say to myself, Pa would have loved this. Loved it. And I say to myself, he is here. He is accompanying us. In spirit, he knows we are doing this. And then I imagine what he would say, what he would be like. I would see him smiling and laughing - he is still totally here. I am manifesting him here with us. I say this to no one, of course. I just keep him in my heart.

Ma said that she was so sad to see him leave the house after the wake, to go to the funeral, and I said it was tough for all of us that part. But I reminded her that he had a great life and that he is back with us. Back home still. All of these things make so much sense. 

I am going for a run soon. A little late, but better than never...

I have 15 more days to the end of the 4 months of running. I'll just go for the short run. But despite not having run for two days - and swum not a lot this week, I have managed to find the fit of the clothes looser. It's a good feeling. I believe that in 15 days I will be able to get to the second base camp - which is most excess fat is gone. Then the next milestone will be developing a well toned body. I'm not going to do it through weight lifting. It is going to happen through running and swimming. And I don't care how much someone keeps telling me I need to do resistance training. I already do that through swimming and running. That is all I need to know. So, 15 more days, or 11 more days of running and swimming. It feels so great really. So great. So great to feel that four months of hard graft and exercise therapy have come to an end. I am a changed person. I think I will look at the next two months for the toned body. Or maybe monthly. It was fucking hard work, but four months has passed and I am here. I am here. 

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