#61.21 - Almost there, I think

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It has been a month of crazy. I cannot even begin to describe it. From despair, elation, insight, apathy, annoyance, anger, frustration, peace, surrender, embracement, wonder, disgust... I went through it all. And I am now back to normal again.

I have decided that the formula I am going to have to take, probably for the rest of the year is, morning a mix of carageen, slippery elm, linseed and chia, and honey. That's for first thing. I also will have to take magnesium, linseed oil, Spatone with Vit C and the Vogel supplements for menopause. From taking nothing at all to taking this all the time. It is old age and it is worth it. It keeps the crazy and the exhaustion from the door. It makes me feel halfway normal. I don't know what it is, but it just works. And I'm happy enough with it. I have also not had a drink for almost two weeks and it feels like I never want another glass of anything. The boys are keeping me right - we are all keeping each other right. Looking out for each other. Long walks an time outside. It is easier now that spring has returned. 

I'm going for a run after this. Yesterday I walked all the way to Holywood which was great. A week ago I thought I would never be able to move again. I think it is completely linked to the iron levels. Magical it was.

The dates and times for openings are now all over the place. No one knows what anyone is doing any longer and I am so fed up of people here. So fed up of people who despite having all the evidence before the, will follow blindly stupid instructions which don't make sense. 

So anyway. This is just me I guess. Always just always asking questions and being unpopular. Do I have any other choice? No, I don't. I don't care for being popular anyway. Never have.

Oh my god! What an amazing day! So sad we can't be doing Forest School. So I will have to start creating the Forest School book. I have put on weight yesterday I put on the fleece and it was tight around my waist. So that was a wake up call for me. No more lard assing about. Not that it was my fault. I am not going to beat myself up about hormonal changes and stupid lockdown rules. It wasn't my fault. I'm glad I have emerged from this in one piece. We are the lucky ones. Many women never make it - and others lose hope. We hold on to each other. Get each other through to the other side.

I must always remember this moment when real hope was almost destroyed and I reached into myself and pulled myself out. Never ever to become cynical and apathetic and fed up, but at the same time to never follow the mindless crowd. I have never done that, and I never will. Not because I don't want to, nothing would make me happier, but in general people cannot be trusted. Stupid male idiocy, the performative element, cannot be underestimated. Piers Morgan is a great example of this magnified not just to males but to other people as well. 

OK. I think I'm going for my first very slow run in a month. And then I'll tidy the table and get ready for school. God I feel like a complete new person. 

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