#54.21 - Break

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Wow. The breaking of that tide has been such a relief. It was the WORST - just the sense of being bloated and miserable and feeling as if everything I had chosen in my life was rubbish. It was a pall which had settled in the last two weeks and then got worse and worse - finally letting up on Wednesday - or maybe Tuesday. Whatever it was it was lethal. 

I have not had any alcohol now for a week. The last time was at Emma's last Thursday when I had half a glass of Oisin's mead. It is great to not be drinking. Between the period and the no drinking this Lent has got off to a good start. I have substituted not drinking with binge watching and watched all of Taken - the alien abduction TV series - in one day. That is a lot of TV. It is almost as much as a flight to Singapore. Possibly longer. It was ok. The thing about these binge sessions is that after a while it gets very samey and boring. Like when I was watching the Can't Get You Out of My Head. It is too easy to parody it. It is waiting to be parodied really. It is also not very good - the last one I watched I had to completely disagree with his analysis about the loss of faith in politics. People lost faith in it because of the rise to neoliberalism. I can't understand why the main culprit of the last thirty years is getting off the hook. 

One week ago I felt just awful. Now I feel like the light is returning. God, I had forgotten how miserable my periods used to make me. Yesterday, this morning, I was barely able to stand due to the exhaustion. Now a sense of proportion is returning to my life. My Sunday I'll be as right as rain again. Back to everything.

I posted the letters yesterday as well - and I now have my image for Ares. It is the Golden Fleece and the square. The planet Mars will feature somewhere as well, not quite sure where yet. The Age of the Ram precedes the Age of the Bull. It is interesting that it appears in the sacrifice of Issac which comes before the Golden Calf. The Hebrew people have always retained that connection to the Ram of course - and the Christians trace it back through the Lamb of God. The brain fog is weirdly no more either. The brain fog was therefore a product of this long drawn out run up to the period?? Wow. Well at least I'll know to look out for it. That started about two to three weeks ago. Wow. 

Tomorrow i'll be able to get up, write, etc then clean the house do laundry before the boys come over. God, it is SUCH a relief. Right time to head to bed now with a good book. Taken was not worth the time for binging. Nothing is worth binging I have decided. Watch one thing and then turn it off. That's it. It was nice though to be wrapped up in the cocoon, all safe and warm and chilling and resting. I am very grateful for that. 

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