9.4.26 - 107 - Oh dear...

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This morning I got up around 6.30 am and found Ma still sound asleep. She usually gets up at 5 am. I didn't try to wake her - when she dreams she has a chance of meeting Pa. So I pottered about and then suddenly I had an overwhelming sense of what would happen when she left too. It was so overwhelming that I began crying - and I texted Jac. 

To think of this house without her - it was unbearable. It was bad enough without Pa - but without her. It was then I began to roll back leaving her in May to return in July. It was a stupid stupid idea. Maybe I won't come back till end August and forget about anything at all regarding this.

To be honest that sits far better in my soul. 

I'm just gonna have to bite the bullet and start handing things over to the right people.

It is just too too much.

I will just have to look at everything and make a decision - be a grown up for once.

I'm so tired though.

But it was nice of Jac to bring us out. Ma really loved it. What we have now, together, is unknown, but limited. We should try and spend as much time as we have together then. We have choices to make... choices and choices...

Well, that's all I have in me for this morning. I'm glad the stitches come out soon. Just two more sleeps. 

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