6.4.26 - 102 - The Perfect Life

Ghin at Oisin's pizza party, making his own pizza

You could argue that no life is perfect. My certainly isn't. But you could also argue that I had managed to kinda of build a pretty good life, based on the things which were important to me. Also, you could argue that that life was going to come to an end because I had given a lot of serious thought about relocating after the summer, so really it was coming to an end after all. But you could also say that having a parent cross over, needing to be the support for the one which is still here (and being very happy to do so), and having to relocate to a country which I thoroughly despise, which has very few options, that is less than ideal.

It is now exactly three weeks since Pa crossed over. Everything has been such a whirlwind. 

The time leading up to his passing was stressful, the week of the funeral was stressful and then the week after was terribly sad, but I was trying to create a routine for Ma so that she wasn't sat here being miserable (which she was when we weren't doing stuff), and then in the second part of that week when we were gaining momentum, I cut my arm open, which wasn't great... so now we are here. Not to mention the frustration of not being able to run and swim... That has been incredibly frustrating. But this week, is only week 3. It has been terribly discombobulating. It feels like everything has been in freefall forever and I have no control over anything.

On top of that, the US-Israeli war has just made everyone wonder what the fuck is going on. So there's that.

Yesterday, I wrote to Steiner, Forest School people and I spoke to Braema. I don't know what will come of it. But I am doing things right. Well, what does right even mean under the circumstances?

Just as the boys were my #1 priority, my#1 priority now is Ma. So Ma is to be cared for at all costs - the best care that she can have. What does this mean? For me it means care in her home - obviously - by her own children - she is adamant that there are no maids. Well, except for Yati. Who is a fountain of information. She is easily one of the most knowledgeable people on the block. She knows absolutely everything. 

Anyway, Ma is the #1 priority. So the way I see it, is I never let my kids be raised by someone else, so why would I want my mother, who actually cared for me and came to me in my greatest hours of needs, to be cared for by someone else? So, we can leave that there right? 

I have a rough plan for Ma... who is listening to Sinatra and Nat King Cole all day long now...

Ma's Plan

The plan for her is:

1. Routine - so that she gets out twice a day: a trip out in the morning and park in the evening. This is to give her a reason to get dressed and have a public facing appearance.

2. Exercise - twice a day, to improve her mobility and dexterity. 

3. Good diet - planning to cook and cooking as well

The goal is to build her confidence and to eventually travel to Ireland next year - this time next year - if we are all still alive.

This has been hijacked a bit because of the accident I had - BUT the good news is that she has stepped up to look after me and so has been doing lots of occupational therapy by way of cooking and washing up and looking after herself as well. And looking after me. So there has been a hiatus in the plan, but it's on track.

Oisin's arrival

Oisin being here has also meant that the two of us can take turns to look after her - and Jac can also be thrown into the mix. We can split it to so that Jac can also chip in but no longer be expected to take on the entire burden which she has been doing all this time.

I was asking her how long this dependence had been going on and as far as I can make out it has been appointments for the best part of 5 to 6 years and the total dependence - the intensity has been the last three or four years. I think it was when I had been thinking, I need to come back. I remember doing this in 2022/ 2023... So that has been maybe 3 to 4 years. 

So it has been long, but it hasn't been that long... So nice to see it rain.

Pa's estate

The most important thing is the will now. So let's get that jump started.

Integration

Part of coming back has to be about integration in Singapore. There are a few possibilities here. Practically, I need to be earning something like say within the next few months. Say starting around September or so. I have enough to live on, but not indefinitely.

It's gonna be tough financially until I get something.

So there is the integration part:

Financial - linked to work. Work wise there are possibilities around Steiner teaching and Forest School

If I can get PR work that would be great.

Then there's my art and my writing.

There's the Maruah work which I can do which is mostly volunteer, but could turn into something, who knows?

And I can approach a few other people for possibilities as well.

So if I have myself say the next six months to find something...

In the meantime, when do I get back to Ireland to sort the rest of this year out... that is a whole other discussion now.