7.4.26 - 104 - Dates, dates and more dates

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Harapan 2011 - 15 years ago


Well, there's not a lot going on really. I don't know what to say. Lots of planning and focussing. Lots of procrastination and prevarication. Lots of sadness and difficulty. Still sitting with the loss of Pa, although we knew he had to go, it is still tough. I spoke to Oisin yesterday - everyone is feeling it. Then the fucking war. It's mad. The war. With a mad person at the helm. With none of the reporters asking him is it appropriate to write a social media post which is so unhinged. 

Anyway...

Today... today...

I have today's agenda already.

I need to be patient with myself. The thing is that I have such a wonderful community in Ireland in which the very land nurtured me. And now I have to make those connections once more. Rejoin and remake all those threads again. I can do it, but it is just so sad. There are somethings which are good though. 

So... yes I do have to start over again. But Oisin will be here and we will be looking at doing stuff... heavy hearts are all round. Everyday. Just always on the verge of tears. 

Yesterday, I often did wonder why things don't work out and you know... I did my very best in everything. I really did try my hardest. There are somethings I am really not responsible for.

And that's alright.

So that's the first thing. I just need to be easy on myself. Easy on saying I get to take time too. I get to have some downtime and not know what to do and not be answerable to the whole fucking planet. For the whole planet. I get to do that. There is no rush. None whatsoever.

Yeah. I get to take the time to take the time.

Then I get to look after Ma. Make sure she's ok. And then I get to plan the next stage of my life. 

Today, I will sort out all the emails.

It is and isn't busy work. 

I'll go for a walk now I think. Returning at 8 am. 

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