5.4.26 - 100 - Easter Rising

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Pa and Ma and Oisin...

Pa was such a happy man. May we always live in the wake of his love



We had breakfast at the hawker centre. I had tau whey - which are soyabean curds. Such a great dish. 

It's Easter and there is no change in Singapore. As in the weather is all the same and the entirety of the year. Ma had another dream of Pa today, this time it was with the husband of a friend who had passed. They were wearing white robes and were in a large house which had arches around it. Pa looked happy and was talking to Ma about things. Ma said how much she missed him. I can't even begin to imagine what she must feel like - cannot even. She listens to Lara's Theme incessantly, but who can blame her? Sure don't I listen to music that reminds me of people whom I still love and avoid music which brings bad memories?

Like Anuna.

What was I thinking staying so long with that man? Nightmare fuel.

I get this guy coming across my TikTok timeline all the time about how narcissists treat you and it is really shocking how he was such a type. How was I to know? I took him at face value, all the time he was a monster of sorts. Even now, we can see he still hasn't learnt anything.

It is as if this man had ringside seats to my life. The control, the disdain, the neglect, the good guy image, the passive aggressiveness, the ugliness - he was really so ugly in the end. But the thing is that I had realised this early on but couldn't do anything about it. I had totally abandoned my life in Singapore so I had to make a go of it. I thought I had married my soul mate, but actually, very early on, I realised I had married someone who - what exactly did he want from me? I couldn't even tell you? Just the supply? So crazy. 

It's hard to believe really. Anyway, that's that. I need to start looking at elements. And what needs to be done. So I'm going to have to gee myself up for all that.

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