4.4.26 - 98 - More rest

Jac arrived at 6.45 am and I was dropped at the Serangoon Polyclinic at 7. I walked to the kopitiam and got a kopi-o kosong peng. Then I walked back to the clinic and waited for it to open. I registered at 7.30 am and was seen at 8 am. The wound has healed well, the stitches are firm and there was no infection. So they redressed it nd told me to return on Wednesday. The stitches come out on Saturday. It is slightly uncomfortable, but that's all. More sleep more rest and more not doing a lot.

Oisin contacted me and it seems he made a bit of money in some transaction. I was delighted for him. I hope it is a sign of things to come. Meanwhile I bought the queue number I was given - because it came up again. Hopefully it will bring something. Who knows? 

I was looking at my gallery while waiting for Pa and I had taken a photo of him when I arrived - which was the 6th and he looked so well. He had sat up and was smiling. I showed the photo to Ma and I said, look at him, he looks so well. She said, he does! Who knew he was going to die? I think he waited for me, I said. She said, yes, I think he did. She said he kept on asking if Steph was coming down, are the boys coming down? I was in tears, again. As I am now. I still feel like he isn't gone, my mom said. Me too, I said. But I also feel like he is here, which I do. I feel like he is everywhere now.

I don't know for how much longer I'm going to grieve.

I just as long as it takes.

Yesterday his cousin on his mum's side came for a visit. Pa was very kind to this cousin and even paid for his higher education for him. He was very devoted to Pa and everything he had done. Pa had done so much of good for everyone - and he had done it from the youngest age. 

I am filled with gratitude at how much I was allowed to know Pa. Sometimes we recall, with laughter, the more annoying parts of him. But it is important to recall those times too. In the end, there was nothing that was annoying about him and we gladly looked after him until it was time for him to leave, right through the end. Looking at him, I could see how we thought he would continue for awhile yet. The doctor, the priest, the hospital. Everyone thought he would hang on a little and not go so swiftly. But as the doctor said, I know it was tough for you guys, but he did have the dream death. You didn't prolong it unnecessarily. 

It has only rained one day since I arrived nearly a month ago. This is clearly insane. Who knows what the future of Singapore is going to be? Will we be climate refugees? Will I have to return to Ireland? I'll water the garden this evening. All the grass is brown and what used to be trees and grass is now potential tinder. It's kinda terrifying now. 

Otherwise, it's just more of the same - I can start planning stuff though. Looking at my calendar. I'll start walking tomorrow. I'll go and buy Soi Thai for this evening. So this is my last 'lay about' day. It has been three days since the incident. It's just so so mad. 

I'll just organise my bag now. Something simple, then take a nap.

Burnout

I do think I was headed for burnout - between work, then Singapore and then the routine and supporting Ma - it's hard to tell, but this enforced rest has been so good for me. It has allowed me to take a beat and just go - it's alright. I can also just not do anything. 

Right. Time to just clear my bag and then to head for the afternoon nap.