20.4.26 - 115 - Walkabout

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I find it difficult to comprehend that I have been not doing very much for 20 days now. It's worse than Covid. At least with Covid I got to stay home and do things in the house. I gardened. We had such a great harvest. I think of the Chaos person and how he had practically zero time with his new family. It is a playbook of his - to get the woman pregnant. It's a kind of weird bro flex. He is literally Ego.

Ugh. Anyway. I don't know what is going on with my hand.

I do know though that I am very much enjoying my long walks. Yesterday I walked to Ang Mo Kio Park West. I did not know that Ang Mo Kio used to be covered in hills and was so remote that leaflet drops were conducted by airplanes. 

I am trying to stay positive about Singapore. Today I'm walking to Bishan and then to Ang Mo Kio Hub where I will buy food for today. I have enjoyed the walking. Ma seems less upset after this month. Pa has made many visits to her via the dreams method. It feels like he hasn't really gone. Here are the dreams she has had so far... mind you it's only just gone a month since he left.

Organising calisthenics
Organising watch competition
Showing her the house he now stayed in
Going for dinner and asking where his shoes are
Chasing a thief
Giving her balloons and saying it will bring her good luck
Serving her fish curry
Buying prawns in the market
Procession with Mama and other people in the family

He has also nudge or pulled her arm or called her name. I do feel him here as well, but there is a peace with that feeling. Yati said that they stay for 40 days and then they leave. It will be 40 days next week. It isn't as raw and we have managed to pull through the worst time I think, which is the past month. 

Walking has been great for me. I have done three walks since Friday and I'm going to do another walk today. I'll keep walking until my hand is sorted.

Some admin and editing to do today. 

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