The angels are in the details

My baby

It's in the details isn't it? Ghin woke me up at 8 am and we went down to make espresso old style (using my battered old espresso maker which has long since given up the hope of ever seeing a rubber ring again) and a stack of pancakes. I blobbed about the kitchen looking for the ingredients while Ghin kept up his commentary on everything. He is excited about EVERYTHING these days. It will be his eight birthday soon and i remember thinking how grown up Oisin was at eight - Ghin is almost certainly more grown up than Oisin, a very mature eight, BUT he seems like a baby. He will, i suppose, always be my baby.

So we made pancakes. We make pancakes quite often, at least once a week on Saturdays and almost certainly on Sundays. Often Ghin helps out too. Breaking eggs and stirring the mix. Pouring in the milk. Pinching the salt. I was lying in bed with him today, just chatting when i realised that really, it was almost eight years ago that i was lying with this tiny muppet looking creature who was feeding off me. I often tell the boys stories from their infancy - stories they probably can't remember. I tell Ghin of how i first met him as a wild woodland sprite in the forests of Glenstall. There you were, i told him, laughing on top of a moss covered stone at me... and the next thing i know, he was inside me and the next thing that happens is he is here in this world, crying away wondering what happened to the forests.

There are so many wonderful places in the world to be, but where would i most want to be all the time? Where love lives, in my baby's eyes. Moments spent with them are so precious because i know that one day they will be big boys and they will no longer want to spend any time with me. So i cherish each moment - nothing is worth trading any time with the boys for.

I try to remember to make sure they know what love looks like so that they can recognise it in this world when they make their own way there. That they do not mistake love for anything else, the way i have - if i have one lesson to teach them is it to recognise love. Perhaps that is the one thing they can learn from my mistake.

I gaze at Ghin's dark eyelashes and his pale skin - he has skin a shade paler than Oisin, even though both boys look very Chinese. Oisin tans much faster in Singapore and has darker, curlier hair. There is something creamy and tender about Ghin's skin - and when he is flushed with excitement and running, roses fill his cheeks.

I need to start thinking about what i need to do about school. But today i also need to organise Ghin's birthday and i said to Oisin we'd look at bikes for my mom's house. I am not sure though. Maybe we could just hold off till i book the pony trek.

It has been a fantastic holiday. Batteries recharged and possibilities endless before us. Life is good.