Pottering about

So, is this week really supposed to be the most miserable week of the year, cos i actually got my mojo back and i am delighted. In case anyone would like to hit me the face for being a show off, i have to ask you to read the posts from the last few years where i meditate and wallow on the nature of suffering. So i have earned my punch in the face cos i am so happy stripes. And i think if anyone has been truly miserable and come through it and are now very happy, i think FAIR PLAY TO YOU!!!! My hat off to them - as well as myself.

I know i have once again returned to myself because i have resumed my post midnight potterings. These are about four hour sessions where i usually clean the house, catch up on work, journal, blog and read. They are the four precious hours i have to myself after i have slept and in between going back to sleep. They are the few hours when i get to dream, muse, sometimes chat with friends from Singapore... plan the next day, lesson plan! ... i get to look deep into the faces of my sleeping children and caress their hair, tell them i love them softly without them ever knowing. These days too, it's less about Facebook and more about real books. And that i have begun cleaning the house again... it is great. I did no less than four loads of laundry in the last 24 hours.

I also cleaned my mom's house and rearranged the furniture. I harrassed the children into practising piano and i got Ghin to do some maths. I cooked dinner, i cleaned out the fridge. I wiped down more surfaces. And of course i taught in school today.

You know, it feels great.

And i know that in general it feels like there is nothing to be grateful and happy about, but let us take a look around us, not what's on the internet or in the news. Look at reality. Around us are people who love us, who are smiling, who cherish us and whom we cherish, whose happiness is genuine, who are making a difference in life. And if people think that they cannot make a difference, all they need to do is this one simple trick: know that they can.

Just say, i can make a difference - and then make a difference. And it doesn't have to be giving away all your money and joining Greenpeace, you can just smile at someone. Or pet a cat. Or hug a tree. Or write a postcard to a friend. Something ridiculously simple.

So yesterday i did most of the cleaning at my mom's. I got rid of lots of snacks which had been festering around, put some others away, cleared the kitchen... noticed i had to rearrange the pots and pans cupboard. I love the fact that at any given time, i have about 509 things i can do. And i also love the fact that despite this, i can also choose to sit on my ass and watch Silent Witness on BBC iPlayer.

Then after that i cleaned out the car and threw or recycled stuff and then we came home where the boys informed me they were hungry and i made the last of the Rustler burgers which my mother buys them for treats. These are awful, awful things which i have tolerated now for the last few months because my boys love them and my mother loves indulging them. I have told them that they are no longer to ask me to get them junk food. They can get that elsewhere but the fast food nonsense is now at an end. The really annoying thing about the fast food and my parents is that when we were young we were never allowed to eat fast food. When i say never i mean it was rare. On week days my mom would cook proper food after she came home from school. Good nutritious, healthy food. Now she is perfectly content with serving my sons shite. Cos they love it. Grandparents eh?

From now on it will be organic and homemade. And that's the end of that.

Right, now for some journalling, followed by planning the school day and then, some cleaning and then some sleeping before i get up again and head to school. Last week we made breadsticks as part of the measurement Main Lesson. The children measured out foot long breadsticks and for the last batch i got them to measure it without a ruler. The results were both delicious and hilarious. At this stage, the class has settled into a routine which consists of lots of serious work in the morning, where everyone is working like the clappers and then lots of laughter in the afternoon where during cook, gardening, craft, handwork or games sessions we are chatting and getting stuff done. Today we wove a small nest, knitted or decorated our nests. All this time we joked with each other and talked about everything under the sun. Our cooking lessons are like that too now. Honestly, it is the best time, and the children know this as well, that after hard work there's laughter and that is why i think, partly they concentrate during lesson time in the morning.

I know that sometimes i can sound down about lots of stuff, like you know, poverty, and inequality, and violence, and hypocrisy, and stupid politicians, but really, i love everything that is everything in the 21st century. I love the fact that i am here, plugged into a world of music through Sportify, typing away on a piece of equipment that lets anyone in the world with access to the same technology to read it, that i teach in this awesome school, that i have two beautiful boys, that i can contact my friends from any corner of the universe, that if i want to i can go downstairs and play the piano or watch some TV. That i am warm in bed. That i can read. I can make myself coffee later on, have some toast with cheese. It all excites me and it makes me so so glad to be living here and now - in this time and place.

This 21st century - all its beauty and horror - it is mine and i am its. And why would i exchange it for the world?