Tempus fugit
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| Next week's blackboard drawing |
Mostly i am feeling flat because i am feeling terrified at the amount of stuff i have to do. It Is so much and i have discovered that even with my parents around i am a serial procrastinator. So i actually cannot blame the lack of help for my serial procrastination.
Mostly this procrastination has to do with my personal life. Life finally starting to run regularly. Or Cleaning the house on a regular basis. Or playing the piano every morning. I can't even blame early starts and busy days cos when i have the holidays i lie about like a beached whale and use it as an excuse to not to anything, even though i KNOW that if i started doing something, especially things i like such as running and playing the piano, or cleaning the house, i would be much happier. But i am not going to moan about this because, feeling flat is infinitely better than feeling hungry and terrified, as are the Palestinians in Gaza this winter. So i will shut up and stop moaning in a stupid fashion.
Discovering how we have modified our time recording over the years has been fascinating. As i was doing the blackboard drawing i was thinking that watches have this capacity to cost so much of money. some watches can cost millions of pounds. It is quite common for men who overcompensate to buy watches worth tens of thousands of pounds. Why is this? How come we have such a fascination for time? There are some clocks which are very intricate and complicated. Some of them fire canons from replica warships. Others have birds which spread their feathers and sing. Some are in the shape of a skull to morbindly remind us we are always going closer to death with each passing minute. This thing about time and human beings.... why?
I don't think i am afraid of dying. Although it is difficult to know what i would do if i finally did come face to face with death. On a personal level. I always say that i am of the school of thought where i would live life to the fullest (yes, even on flat days), so that when it did come time to shuffle the mortal coil, i would not regret it. Every morning i wake up and i do think, so, what if i was to die today, would i be happy with that? So far the answer has been yes - what i am NOT prepared for though is for other people, especially those i love dearly to die on me. That i am not prepared for. But my own death, it is something which then helps me decide how i would like to live today.
Let us do nothing which the wise would reprove of... that is the line in the Loving Kindness Sutra. Perhaps that would be my second motto, after whatever we do, we do it with love.
This is not to say i am never a bitch. I can be a terrible bitch. But at least i am a bitch with awareness.
I think that Mercury in retrograde is a great time for self flagellation. For instance, since the entire universe is down on everything, it is good time to strip away and be sparing about stuff. So it's a good time to start things like cleaning out. Might as well make good use of the impulse that the universe is providing. It is a great time to exercise the will. I will never forget one of our eurythmy lessons, the teacher said, the gift of Mercury is the gift of lightness. Think of how heavy our bodies are, and yet we are able to move them, we are able to walk. If you have ever tried carrying a dead weight like a drunk and passed out friend, you will know about how heavy we are. And YET we are able to dance and float and walk and run. So conversely, when Mercury withdraws, everything feels heavy, like it is going against us. I do believe this - i do believe in the effect the planets have on us. Why would they not? They have an effect on plants and the planet, we are part of the planet and we are part plant - so why the heck won't the planets have an effect on us? I think so called scientific people need to look seriously at the evidence before they pass their judgement. Whether the stars determine our lives, i don't really think so. I do think that they do deal the cards - we are all dealt a different pack of cards and i do think that the stars have some influence in this - the same way a seed planted at one time will have different qualities from the seed plan(e)ted at another time. But i think we are free agents about the lives we lead. For instance, someone may be born a gifted musician and decide to become a gardener instead.
Whether it is necessary to keep on guessing what these gifts are, or trying to find them out, i think is probably moot. Personally, like all things, they are revealed by time. As i said, time is miraculous.
I have given Ghin some of Ben's honey with lemon. Hopefully this will do the trick,
So tomorrow, i will start small. I will wake up, do some eurhythmy, take a bath, make some coffee and play the piano. I am also going to stop the wine till after Easter. Because i need to drink more water and, even the Good Lord would agree that wine is not water. Or tea for that matter.
So, tonight i am going to do more cleaning up of emails. Then when that is sorted i will sleep. Not much battery left in this laptop. God i am soooo glad that i got a new laptop after trailing that monstrosity around now for two years. This is a fab laptop. I am VERY careful that no cup of coffee comes near it. And so January passes. Tempus fugit. As February arrives, the one thing i know, after being here for 44 years is that it will pass too. And that it is utterly up to me to make the most of it because tomorrow, who knows what tomorrow brings. The present is all we have. For all the ways in which we may measure time, like the planets or the stars, no watch or clock can teach us how to live in the present moment to the best of our abilities. That is entirely up to us.
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