Dithering

It is freezing outside and i am wondering if it would be the right thing to take the boys on a butterfly conservation day in this weather. The drive to Enniskillen is long and the weather does not look promising. Also, we have the Children's Service this morning. Hmmmm....

So i will have to think about it.

Winter, i think, is finally here.

Yesterday i rearranged the living room in my mother's house. And the dining room as well. I also bought two glass platters to decorate the house with. One now serves as the dish you put your keys and coins etc in the hall and the other just makes the dining table pretty. I was also ruthless, clearing out snacks and sweets and the next step will be to sort out the snack pile. Most will probably end up in the compost pile since a lot of stuff has not been touched for a few months now. It is shocking how things pile up.

I also bought a coir mat (£2.99) and a set of sturdy gardening hand tools. Wilkinson Swords no less, all for under $10 - a fork, two trowels, one with measures on it and the other with a wider mouth. Wooden handles. I am now set. I remember when i first went into a DIY store. I picked up a hand fork and wondered what this was for. What a fucking idiot i was. I am not a fucking idiot any more. In fact, i am just generally less of a fucking idiot than i used to be. About everything i can think of. I think that is one of the privileges of age.

The kids in school garden weekly. When they are not gardening, say there is a gale blowing for instance, they are learning about what lives in a garden. Wildlife is an essential part of this equation. If we don't have wildlife, we might as well pack up and go home. What is the point eh?

All living things, seen and unseen, should be respected.

I have just discovered that the soil in the school is highly is acidic by looking at the weeds that thrive there. I have also found out that compositing like hell is the way we get the acidic levels down.

RIGHT. I need to make up and mind about this butterfly thing and decide what we are going to do because we will need to get clothing and all together and i will need to get the boys up and fed before we hit the road.

I am listening to Experimental Ambient and feeling soo good about life once more. It is great really. How can i complain? My greatest fear ever is that one day, i will look back and say, i was not awake in that moment. I did not realise how happy i was. Or how good that was. or how that suffering was transforming my soul. No, never. The most important thing is to be awake, always, at all times.

And before i leave, i have to record this moment... i was with Ghin and Oisin, looking at pictures i could draw for the blackboard on the iPad. I could not find any rainbows and the Ark, and commented on how artists don't seem to like rainbows. Then i found one of Noah sacrificing after the flood and there was a rainbow. This one's good, i said. Maybe i'll do this one. Ghin went, What! Is that going to be hard mom. I said, no, it'll be alright. How come you find it easy mom? He asked. Is it because you are a teacher? Do you just look at the most difficult thing and go, i will do that one? That's craaazy... I hugged him and laughed. You are so sweet Ghin. You're just really good mom, he said.