#286 - Entertaining possibility

Perhaps the biggest danger of being my age is, after being surprised at how much more I know by dint of having just lived longer, is to either become arrogant with the knowledge and/or become quite blase about everything. This i refuse to do. Everything must still be possible - which is why I got my first tattoo, and secondly, I must always be ready to stand for change.

Listening to Vandana Shiva yesterday was so inspiring. This is the group of people which is my tribe. The thing is that the Left, if it does not get its act together there will be a cultural revolution soon. Or something like it when academics were sent to gulags or put up against a wall. What is the point of books if they don't change anything? If they are used to make fun of the dispossessed and the miserable?

Once again the entire world is in meltdown - or it feels that way. The stop start lockdown is even more confusing than the non stop start one. And the contradictions are something else. I just stick to the rules and know who is frightened and who isn't. Yesterday I was talking to someone who told me that though his line of work he met three undertakers who have said that they have not seen a single Covid caused death - all deaths are accompanied with complications and he himself, despite the hundred or so people who tested positive only knew one person who died with Covid complications. Fear is a terrible lens to see the world by. We must not be afraid. We must do our best. That is the best we can do.

The rider on the white horse is awe inspiring. People do not have to seem the ability to distinguish between awe and terror. Of course Shock and Awe was the tactic used on Baghdad, so it is a proven tactic to manipulate people by. But that is not the tone in John's Gospel. The tone is that of wonder. It is Awe and Wonder - and this submission to the majesty and otherworldiness. It has worked to SOME extent, but because people are literal and even pedestrian, the reading is diminished into a historical event. Like pestilence. How it is pestilence I'm not sure. 

So yes possibility, always. Within me, there is always possibility. I will not become miserable and bitter and full of cynicism. That time has passed. I am a piece of well worked leather, better and more pliable, more comfortable over the years.

One day I will be so comfortable in my own skin that I will want to leave. I will have done it all. 

It really did feel like a conclusion this last year, this 49th year. The year I embarked on this new journey. So there are three important things now. They are to love, to be open to all possibility and to not fear. Never fear. To never EVER be afraid. To be exactly who I am. As the year go by. the continued finer and finer tuning to what and who I can be needs to continue to take place.

In this I will never rest. The human being is indeed a musical instrument.

I am content. 

Enough will always be enough.

I have also begun this new year with the promise that I will look after myself. I will practise a gentle discipline. A steady rhythm. I think I will write to Lianne and send her a present for her birthday.

All of my life things have gone my way. I am grateful. I see that now. All of my life, I have stood and reached out and held my hand out and it was offered to me. Thank you. I have no cause to be angry with life. 

So planning and then writing and then running at 6 am. That's when I run. 6 am.