#281 - Feeling betterer

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Plunge into the heat of battle and leave your heart at the louts feet of the Lord



After a week of being completely wrong footed, I'm feeling loads better. It has been awful. The vacillation between feeling like I'm making too much of a big deal of it and then feeling that it isn't good enough. The sense that I can't do this, and I've got it. And also the feeling that I am a bad person. BUT no more. I have decided that enough is enough. I'm just gonna have to grow a thicker skin and just put up with shit. Try my best and grow a thicker skin. And stop worrying about what other people think. Stop it. I've paid my bloody dues.

I'm bored now. Really really bored of myself. I'm going shake myself up and dust myself off and just say forget it. Just forget it all.

It will be fine, it will be good. It will be great.

But before I leave I want to acknowledge the massive burden which I took on with the school and how it has never been fully appreciated. I don't think anyone who has never taught knows the skill and patience required to work with children. It is quite a feat and it was a feat which I did ok in until this time last week. 

Also I was just not paid enough. I thought it was for a cause but I have realised I can do this cause elsewhere and I am trying to do it elsewhere. I am going to finish my year here, do what I can to get elements up and running and then leave, which is what I wanted to do in the first place.

Right. So, today. I'm going to have to finally go for that run and then come home, and see to the rest of the day. Mostly elements stuff and passport stuff. 

And I'm going to start getting creative again. Over the next two weeks.

The possibilities are endless. But in the meantime, I am going to finally go for my run. After almost a month here.

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