#273 - Taking stock

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All love will, one day, meet with its return.
~George MacDonald

Waves returning sunlight to the shore, Mary Stewart Adams

What have I done this year?

What a crazy amazing year. This year I began the Forest School. This year I survived Covid. This year I left Peter finally. This year I grew up. I did what had to be done. No more messing around the edges. The last thing I need to do now is write that book. That is the last thing I must do.

I must hoover downstairs as well. I'll do that tomorrow, to keep on top of things. Then next week I hoover upstairs and so on and so forth.

The nice thing is that there is still so much to do. So for the next few hours I'm going to plan again. Look at being organised once more. And this time really follow it through. 

What is it like having my own place now? For years and years I lived in a low grade kinda of war zone. I'm so glad for Oisin that he got out. But I had to leave to and once I left everything felt better. I was saying to Emma though the shame of codependency - I only recognised it when I left. Because it was safe to see it now. Safe to say, this was me, not someone else. And the delight almost of the awfulness of the other person. Which confirmed for me how unpleasant he was and how right I was. It was like winning through a series of faults on the other player's part.

But two weeks ago it all came to an end and then, THEN I was left with myself and for the first and second week I realised I had to cultivate the discipline of two things. Telling myself I was a good person and the second thing, telling myself I chose happiness. These are not easy things at all, but as each day passes I feel better and better.

I become a little stronger in myself. 

By the end of the year I will have the Forest School up and running completely and I will be on my way to selling the house and sorting out this garden. Things are looking really, really good.

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