#283 - Restoration

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William Morris

Well, things have gone back the way they were. I feel much better now. It is almost certainly the busy weekend. But I recaptured that.

It was good yesterday finally getting back into the routine. Cooking in the evening is an important part of that for me. It's like a bellweather to tell me how I'm feeling.

When I cook, no matter how simple, I am back from whatever mess I've been in.

I was telling a friend that there is a tail after a storm for me, an emotional outburst. The tail is like a hangover - this feeling of being shite. Of a heaviness. Of feeling the ghost of the outburst. Of course having been insulted so roundly is awful. This is why I have limited my interactions to the messenger. There is a witness then. When it is off Messenger, it is so much much worse because there are no witnesses. I am never EVER going to make that mistake again.

Everything is to be done via Messenger.The thing that gets me about him is that people think he is some paragon if wonderfulness. He is not (erased lots here) and THIS is why I have decided to be a better person because by being a better person I am not dragged down to his level. I am saying to myself I am still standing despite everything you have tried to do to me. I am MAGNIFICENT.

I reclaim who I am every time I assert my better nature. I deny the lies. And that is the best witness I can have. The best witness I can give. I have risen about it all.

Almost time for my run. I didn't run three times this week - Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday. So it is back to the run for me. Everyday, everyday is a triumph. Everyday is a wonder. Everyday is a new miracle. Never ever give up, keep trucking.

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