#280 - Thunder
Sometimes I wonder if I could ever know anyone. It seems impossible. Today Oisin was mildly rude and arrogant to me, in a petty way, and instead of just letting it slide, I took it really thick. I seldom fight with my sons, so that when it happens it is awful. I know that there are parents and children who have the worst relationship with their kids, but I don't. And I think that this diffidence and ingratitude, mild though it was, just caught me off guard.
I told him, even if you ARE tired, you cannot talk to people like that. Sure you talk to us like that blah blah blah. I was so angry with him and it was much worse that it occurred in the presence of Peter who was probably so happy that for once it was me who was pissing off the boys - so that made it worse.
I don't care if HE treats me like shit, I told him, but I care if you do. You are not to speak to me like that. And I stormed out of the house. I think that Oisin is becoming a bit of an asshole though. But I also suppose that is par of course. I was a huge asshole for a very long time when I was in my early twenties. It is amazing I have any friends at all.
I then said to Peter, I'm sure you are delighted with yourself. For years and years you've been trying to get me to leave the house and abandon the boys and finally you have succeeded. All of you together have done the job finally.
Well if they end up living with him, that is EXACTLY what he wants. I can't stop them, of course. There's nothing I can do to stop them.
Right now everything seems to be falling apart around me. That's ok. Tomorrow is another day. For instance, I expressed my worry that Class 5 is only going to get another year in LS and that they will effectively going into US without another year of maths prep under their belt and I was practically attacked for suggesting that they were losing out by having only another year in LS. You know what, I don't fucking care. I don't. I do the right thing and I hammered for it. FINE.
But I can't do anything else but do the right thing. And if that is my fate to be slapped in my face everytime I am willing to stand up, so be it, And if I am wrong, so be it then. But the long years of experience have taught me that I am never wrong. I am rude and undiplomatic and not tactful and I can be callous and disparaging, probably quite judgmental and cold, but I am never wrong. I know when something isn't right and I have always stood up to be counted.
And if I don't like something I do say so. It is just something I do.
Keeping the peace at MY cost is not what I do. Jac does that, she is very good at it, but I can't do that. As a consequence, I am not manipulative. So I'm not popular. What I am is strong and people take advantage of that. Well, I am strong, but I am not without feelings. I wonder if Oisin will morph into an asshole of a man.
I don't care if he never become rich or whatever, but if he becomes a dick I would regard it as a profound failure on my part. However, as I said, I did try my best and at least I can say that. I did try my best. It's probably for the best I don't go back to the house anyways. I feel sorry for poor Ghin though.
Caught in a double cross fire now.
God what a fucking day. I am exhausted. I am now going to do my lesson prep. Have a hot shower and go to bed. Weirdly, the leaking bottle under the sink in Ma's house now has resolved itself. I wonder if it has something to do with the sink being used on a regular basis so there isn't a build up of water...
I told him, even if you ARE tired, you cannot talk to people like that. Sure you talk to us like that blah blah blah. I was so angry with him and it was much worse that it occurred in the presence of Peter who was probably so happy that for once it was me who was pissing off the boys - so that made it worse.
I don't care if HE treats me like shit, I told him, but I care if you do. You are not to speak to me like that. And I stormed out of the house. I think that Oisin is becoming a bit of an asshole though. But I also suppose that is par of course. I was a huge asshole for a very long time when I was in my early twenties. It is amazing I have any friends at all.
I then said to Peter, I'm sure you are delighted with yourself. For years and years you've been trying to get me to leave the house and abandon the boys and finally you have succeeded. All of you together have done the job finally.
Well if they end up living with him, that is EXACTLY what he wants. I can't stop them, of course. There's nothing I can do to stop them.
Right now everything seems to be falling apart around me. That's ok. Tomorrow is another day. For instance, I expressed my worry that Class 5 is only going to get another year in LS and that they will effectively going into US without another year of maths prep under their belt and I was practically attacked for suggesting that they were losing out by having only another year in LS. You know what, I don't fucking care. I don't. I do the right thing and I hammered for it. FINE.
But I can't do anything else but do the right thing. And if that is my fate to be slapped in my face everytime I am willing to stand up, so be it, And if I am wrong, so be it then. But the long years of experience have taught me that I am never wrong. I am rude and undiplomatic and not tactful and I can be callous and disparaging, probably quite judgmental and cold, but I am never wrong. I know when something isn't right and I have always stood up to be counted.
And if I don't like something I do say so. It is just something I do.
Keeping the peace at MY cost is not what I do. Jac does that, she is very good at it, but I can't do that. As a consequence, I am not manipulative. So I'm not popular. What I am is strong and people take advantage of that. Well, I am strong, but I am not without feelings. I wonder if Oisin will morph into an asshole of a man.
I don't care if he never become rich or whatever, but if he becomes a dick I would regard it as a profound failure on my part. However, as I said, I did try my best and at least I can say that. I did try my best. It's probably for the best I don't go back to the house anyways. I feel sorry for poor Ghin though.
Caught in a double cross fire now.
God what a fucking day. I am exhausted. I am now going to do my lesson prep. Have a hot shower and go to bed. Weirdly, the leaking bottle under the sink in Ma's house now has resolved itself. I wonder if it has something to do with the sink being used on a regular basis so there isn't a build up of water...
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