#264 - The lingerings of the moon

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Flying Brent by Carl Peregrine
Hey Sunday, how are ya? What a gentle lovely day yesterday was. How lucky I am to have had such a gorgeous day. Such a sweet day. A day filled with sunshine and the lingerings of the full moon. The bustle of an autumnal weekend, the scent of coffee in cafes and the clean cool air that tells the geese to return home. (I saw the geese flying, heavy in the sky, as they made their way back.) I cleaned the classroom, delighted to be able to sweep the floor just as I swept my mind. The dirt accumulated over the week of mud and grass, chalk ground beneath heels, desks which had the scatterings of the week.

I have discovered, the better prepared you are, the more the class is able to respond.

I felt the threads of beauty twine about as the rays of the sun shifted into the classroom and I shook out the cardigans and sweat shirts which had been lying on the floor and draped them over chairs. As I swept the piles of dust and dried grass, trapped hair, I delighted in this. The dignity of a job. I have realised that nothing pleases me more than something which is well done. I find it deeply deeply frustrating when I have to do something badly - which I often do. This is extremely stressful to me. And I don't understand it when things are done badly as well. It baffles me.

I was recently talking to a friend who told me that what a narcissist loves most of all is chaos, because in chaos, they are in charge. They are the puppet master, the crazymakers, because when they are crazymaking, then they are the conductors of the orchestra. Nothing distresses a narcissist more than seeing you happy and getting on with things. They end up putting spanners in your work, They also 'love bomb'. I know this phase, when they do things to let your guard down, make you think, oh this is nice and then - BAM! - you are smacked up with something else. I used to think, NAH.... who'd do this consciously, but it is unconscious. They behave unconsciously. She said the best thing you could do is feel compassion for how broken they are, but it does not mean you have to fix them. The best thing to do is to let them go.

ALL TRUE.

I do feel like I have turned a corner. The corner is I am just more active in my body. Because of the exercise. Before doctors prescribe any medication they should get people to exercise. It is the cure all. I have only been doing it regularly now for three weeks and I just feel amazing. I have had a really good three weeks.

I did all the laundry yesterday and got caught up. So the next time I do laundry is Wednesday. It takes about that time to dry. Three loads of laundry to dry. So, some Lemurian writing now.

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