#73
Yesterday's Nice Thing: Gabriel is back in school!!!!! And a gorgeous sunrise.
I am now up at 3 am - and write for an hour, do reading and class prep for an hour and a half, take a short nap and then head for my run. My run is a short one. Yesterday it was running back to the most amazing sunrise. I must, at this crucial time, focus on the beautiful things.
And the beautiful things are the sunrise. And my future. I must seriously think about my future.
What this means is to be not getting involved in things which really do not concern me anymore.
Really, I must stop.
I don't know why I do this to myself. I really hope I get a change of scenery soon.
I should have gone away ... but I was too tired to move - no, what I did was good. Caught up an laundry and stuff.
Life is supposed to be tough I guess. I have it easier than most, so I shouldn't complain.
When I sometimes see others who allegedly 'have it all', what exactly this all consists of, I do not know. I mean I do know, and it is vacuous and daft and stupid and pointless. It mostly consists of consumerism... and even now... writing a book... writing a book to change things... what is it that I want to say about life - observations which I think could make a difference?
I love getting up so early in the morning. I love the silence... I have to say though that by the end of the day I was immobile. I could hardly move. I was bent double and almost died. After I made dinner and ate it with the boys I said goodbye and headed to bed at 7.30 pm. I fell asleep instantly. That is how tired I get.
I get very very tired.
So, today, this is the plan. After I blog, I do class prep - then I do my run - oh yesterday I did stretching and then I filled in the birdfeeders. Tomorrow when I get back from school, I am determined to finish up the cleaning up doing the laundry. Then after that I am going to get ready for the Derry trip.
I need to so something artistic. I am not sure what now.
I think what I need to do is compartmentalise. There is the me - and then there is the those that I love around me, and then there is the world which I can make a difference in and then finally, there is the everything else which I need to ignore.
Especially since that the everything else that I need to ignore is now just in front of me all of the time.
The killings in New Zealand seem to have touched a chord with people. I don't understand why they touch a chord and the killings in Palestine don't do anything. Do I blame people for taking up the armed struggle when they are being oppressed? Absolutely not. Will I revile oppression using violence. Always. Yesterday the class got a glimpse into Ireland's bloody past. The famines which were used as weapons of war, the cruelty, the means to an end - all through the lens of Derry. The English are vile. They were vile then and they are still vile now.
Look at Brexit.
God, I really can't be doing with this writing today.
What is it about this time of day? 3 am? I once saw that it was because as the Earth spins to create the sunrise, the sun hits the Earth and around this time, a magnetic pulse is sent out at around the same time, - 3 am everyday - to any part of the world. Isn't that wonderful?
I was also thinking about my adventures in esoteric research. I have realised that I suppose as many people do all the time, look for a hidden meaning. We do it all the time. That's what maths is about - the search for hidden meanings.
Trying to unlock some code that can never be unlocked - not the a price, not at a cost. And the cost is now proving too great to bear. It has never made sense to me - and now... now... it has proven me right.
It is really too painful to bear.
I can hear Oisin. He is a good good boy. I love him so much.
He deserves better really. It has been a relatively calm week now with the passing of the period storm. I really don't know what to do about the situation. I really don't. I need to speak to someone for advise.
I can't have everything, I can't. I just can't and that's a fact. This was NOT a good entry at all because I am completely confused about everything.
I am now up at 3 am - and write for an hour, do reading and class prep for an hour and a half, take a short nap and then head for my run. My run is a short one. Yesterday it was running back to the most amazing sunrise. I must, at this crucial time, focus on the beautiful things.
And the beautiful things are the sunrise. And my future. I must seriously think about my future.
What this means is to be not getting involved in things which really do not concern me anymore.
Really, I must stop.
I don't know why I do this to myself. I really hope I get a change of scenery soon.
I should have gone away ... but I was too tired to move - no, what I did was good. Caught up an laundry and stuff.
Life is supposed to be tough I guess. I have it easier than most, so I shouldn't complain.
When I sometimes see others who allegedly 'have it all', what exactly this all consists of, I do not know. I mean I do know, and it is vacuous and daft and stupid and pointless. It mostly consists of consumerism... and even now... writing a book... writing a book to change things... what is it that I want to say about life - observations which I think could make a difference?
I love getting up so early in the morning. I love the silence... I have to say though that by the end of the day I was immobile. I could hardly move. I was bent double and almost died. After I made dinner and ate it with the boys I said goodbye and headed to bed at 7.30 pm. I fell asleep instantly. That is how tired I get.
I get very very tired.
So, today, this is the plan. After I blog, I do class prep - then I do my run - oh yesterday I did stretching and then I filled in the birdfeeders. Tomorrow when I get back from school, I am determined to finish up the cleaning up doing the laundry. Then after that I am going to get ready for the Derry trip.
I need to so something artistic. I am not sure what now.
I think what I need to do is compartmentalise. There is the me - and then there is the those that I love around me, and then there is the world which I can make a difference in and then finally, there is the everything else which I need to ignore.
Especially since that the everything else that I need to ignore is now just in front of me all of the time.
The killings in New Zealand seem to have touched a chord with people. I don't understand why they touch a chord and the killings in Palestine don't do anything. Do I blame people for taking up the armed struggle when they are being oppressed? Absolutely not. Will I revile oppression using violence. Always. Yesterday the class got a glimpse into Ireland's bloody past. The famines which were used as weapons of war, the cruelty, the means to an end - all through the lens of Derry. The English are vile. They were vile then and they are still vile now.
Look at Brexit.
God, I really can't be doing with this writing today.
What is it about this time of day? 3 am? I once saw that it was because as the Earth spins to create the sunrise, the sun hits the Earth and around this time, a magnetic pulse is sent out at around the same time, - 3 am everyday - to any part of the world. Isn't that wonderful?
I was also thinking about my adventures in esoteric research. I have realised that I suppose as many people do all the time, look for a hidden meaning. We do it all the time. That's what maths is about - the search for hidden meanings.
Trying to unlock some code that can never be unlocked - not the a price, not at a cost. And the cost is now proving too great to bear. It has never made sense to me - and now... now... it has proven me right.
It is really too painful to bear.
I can hear Oisin. He is a good good boy. I love him so much.
He deserves better really. It has been a relatively calm week now with the passing of the period storm. I really don't know what to do about the situation. I really don't. I need to speak to someone for advise.
I can't have everything, I can't. I just can't and that's a fact. This was NOT a good entry at all because I am completely confused about everything.
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