#71
Bedspread made for me 17 years ago by Helen Quigley. Will be mending the holes today. The blanket itself is a total work of art.
Today it will be running and stretching, house cleaning, laundry, school, lunch, admin and then relaxing - maybe going for a walk by some sea shore.
After I wrote this morning, I went to bed and wrote some more. I needed to put down somewhere that I had tried many things in life and somethings had really worked for me and I would continue doing them - and somethings they hadn't worked at all and so I would stop.
I am not a naturally extrovert person and the truth is that all the showing off that takes place in social media I no longer am interested in doing that. To archive my life, quietly, away from the fanfare, this year I took to my blog once gain. What I really must do is upload at least one picture of what I do everyday.
Facebook is no longer the platform it was when I first started out on it. Social media isn't. It is now a monster which is full of tragedy. I need to reassess my relationship with it.
Also the grand gestures like travel and taking part in festivals and going to parties, all of these things are also wonderful, but really, they just aren't me. For instance, I was watching Turn Up Charlie yesterday and it featured the Latitude festival. There is something about festivals which has become too commercial and fallen. The same thing has happened with the so-called well being industry - everything from mindfulness to the goddess - there has been a dilution which has made me very uncomfortable. It is time for me to find the centre again. I began this journey years ahead of everyone else - whether it is fitness or alternative living - and now it is mainstream in a way which sits uneasily with me. Yes, I am going to have to reclaim all these voices within myself for myself.
The other thing I have been coming round to is the search for the truth - seeking authenticity. That will still stay, but like a few years ago when I was so interested in the fourth dimension and our relationship with it, but then left it behind because there is a screen beyond which we cannot see, I am beginning to feel the same way about esotericism. I am no longer questing. I will read it with interest, always, but the yearning and seeking - I have decided that It is pointless. It is far better to experience life - to receive and give and see the world around us with beauty and be useful and kind and gracious and love with an open heart than to try and understand what Steiner meant by this and that... or indeed what the Ark was or...
My relationship with the spiritual will be tangible. It is enough that we live here. We potentise that life with positivity and love. I ask for my angel to walk with me always - and for the hierarchies to work with me - on my deepest, humblest bended knee. I ask for them to do this for me. To hold my heart and give me strength. That is all I want from them. It is all I need. All the ink and time which has been split over trying to find the source from millions of people - it is not where I am right now.
It made me very angry listening to that Oxford professor say we are living in the most amazing time in the history of the world - imagine if you were a child living in the slums or on a garbage heap, or being trafficked for sex. No, it is awful.
This is exactly what is wrong with humanity. It cannot take things in the round - it can only take things in small vistas - and as a result, it seeks for the source, instead of understanding the whole. It's tunneling mind cannot accept the arc of the sky, instead, it has to atomise. Dissect and then when it has lost all the component pieces, it says - well this is very good or very bad. This is wrong.
So I am on a quest. A quest to live life fully and authentically and with a complete appreciation and understanding of what I have been given. But that is all. Beyond that, there cannot be the narrative. There can be only my narrative. When see all the books which Peter orders in, I see their time has past. That meta narratives are no longer useful - their time has gone. Universities need to wake up their ideas and ask themselves what their purpose is.
It feels good to be in control and in charge again.
Beautiful drawing by Ghin of a variegated plant
Just finished my run and sit ups. The last time I went running was 2 March - and then I felt really 'heavy' despite having run for three days previously. I am going to have my period, I said to myself. That's how it feels when I have my period - and then I had PMT for a week followed by the actual bleeding. The storms we navigate. I must really take care of myself from now on. Having a happy and healthy old age is a serious priority and that is obtained by living each day wisely, in moderation. Last year was Roman - a year of excess and stretching everything to the limit. One last hurrah before descending into Avernus, or Dis. Now I am on my way up once again.
I hope I'll be able to handle how ever many more times I have to do this before it is over. Running is so important - running and stretching. That and diet and peace and quiet are the keystones to this year.
Just finished my run and sit ups. The last time I went running was 2 March - and then I felt really 'heavy' despite having run for three days previously. I am going to have my period, I said to myself. That's how it feels when I have my period - and then I had PMT for a week followed by the actual bleeding. The storms we navigate. I must really take care of myself from now on. Having a happy and healthy old age is a serious priority and that is obtained by living each day wisely, in moderation. Last year was Roman - a year of excess and stretching everything to the limit. One last hurrah before descending into Avernus, or Dis. Now I am on my way up once again.
I hope I'll be able to handle how ever many more times I have to do this before it is over. Running is so important - running and stretching. That and diet and peace and quiet are the keystones to this year.
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