3.10.24 - The wonderful everyday

There are things which we can let go... which we can bring away and away. And things which become less and less and less painful to do. Last night I got up and I remembered stupid things. Stupid angry things. Then this video by Ekhart Tolle came on and said that thoughts are entities which can get lodged in your head...

Over the years, the many many years, I have become something which I think I have always been becoming.

From no age at all I wanted to know more about this connection to the planet. Always, it was there. The intense feelings which I brought along with me... and that became this seeking of the spirit beyond.

It has almost been a year since I stopped drinking and that has been so important. I did not realise it, but when that decision was made I stepped closer to the person I was to become.

Initiation. What does that mean?

You could say that the entirety of my life has been about initiation. Everyone goes through initiation - it is just some of us have been here before and remember it.

I think the most powerful moments arrived when I returned to Singapore this time and ended up with the feeling of standing in the stream of time and allowing it to wash over and around me.

Everything - I let everything go. 

I am stepping up, finally.

I get to review my life a little bit. There is something about this sisterhood of women who have followed a path. This path of creativity and self discovery. It is not a path which has ever been easy, but the rewards are too many to consider.

Holding the space for authenticity.

Trying our best to do that and bleeding in the process. My heart's blood has been poured forth and I would not have lived my life any differently.

For the past 10 years I have walked on own path. Especially in the past 5. In the past 5 years I have finally gotten myself free of the sorrow and the pain. Raw it was at first, and then slowly, without even noticing it, time made it better and I stepped closer to the goddess and the land. 

How did that happen? How?

But she had always walked with me. And I her. The Divine Masculine and Feminine. Over the course of time, we have developed this practise of the Goddess and the Land. Of stories and mythologies.

Perhaps that is where it began, with mythology.

One of my first memories was playing beneath the casurina trees. Their high, feathery branches and me, spinning round and round and round, and the world spinning round. At that moment I was united with the tree. With everything around me and that feeling of unity would stay with me forever. I would find it in many places. Floating in the warm seas, hearing the waters lap around my ears. The hard bright red saga seeds we collected in Kent Ridge Park which was still  hill looking into a mist filled valley. Pulau Hantu's bluest waters. Fireflies flitting along the banks of a mangrove. There are now too many places I have looked and found. These have always stayed with me.

Then, mythology. I must have only been 10 when I began to read all the books on mythology in the school library where our Malay classes were held. I'd sneak books on the Nazca lines, Ancient Egypt, Ancient Greece. Norse and Hindu mythology would come much later. But it was momentous. I did not realise how momentous it would be then.

No idea.

Tell me - why did I read the book on Norse mythology about a million times? Tell me why was I drawn to Hinduism? Tell me, why and how did I end up in Ireland? Tell me how do these things happen? The greatest journeys are the ones which have no answer. And everything I say now feels trite.

The path appears...