29.9.24 - Phew

The past week has been absolutely INSANE.

I am completely EXHAUSTED. I was sick on Wednesday evening - BUT there were spots of loveliness.

Like Oisin treating me on Wednesday evening at The Old Inn. We recalled the times we went there and giggled at the reminisced and were just so so happy. I said to Oisin, that if nothing good ever happens again. I will always come back to this.

We talked about Singapore. About the past and the future. We had memories. We laughed and we appreciated. The fish was great. The chips were great. Oisin was so sweet. He said to me order anything. 

I'm still not drinking which is great. Everytime I want to drink I think of the after the drink and I go, nah. It's ok I don't need to drink. Also, weirdly, I somehow understand that drinking doesn't lead to anywhere. It is mostly pointless. Perhaps it is my years of experience. 

I am kinda proud how I don't do this anymore. 

It is a sort of bliss. I'll start prepping for the stuff we are doing at 10.

Meanwhile so many things are swirling around me head and I'm trying trying trying to get them down. Starting with the state of the world now.

All my life I have tried to live in a sort of moderately sustainable way. Consuming as little as possible. As a result I only buy second hand clothes, I haven't bought any appliances for the house in years, I live in a minimalist fashion. I do not covert novelty for the sake of novelty. I have participated in activities which I believe are for the greater good. Sacrificing my time and incomes to teach in an education system which I believe in and to focus on the thing which matters the most - my children - actual biological and the children which I take care of/ teach.

All in all it has made it a very rewarding life. It also helps me sleep at night. If I could have done any of these in the mainstream, I would have. Sadly everything which exists in the mainstream has gone the way of the idiot.

Pre Covid, there would be regular rants about how the planet was being destroyed by the stupid and the greedy. The people who think that having more is the best idea. Then there was Covid. I always describe it as instead of driving the bus off the cliff they turned it around and smashed it in a brick wall. Nothing about Covid made sense. Nothing. If you followed the government's instructions, it kind of said who you were. I know so many people whose lives have been ruined by the vaccine. And that's just for starters. There wasn't enough evidence. Trusting people who have a terrible track record to say, it's fine is not ok. 

After Covid, people were at each other's throats. Mostly because of social media and the moral superiority of the people who believed they were in charge. Most recently, there has been the hypocrisy of the people who put in place the authoritarian regimes. This guy Jay Varma who attended sex parties during Covid while insisting the virus was deadly. Then mandated people into taking the vaccine which did not really work in stopping the spread, nor stopping people from getting the illness. 

It has been a nightmare from start to finish.

After that, the people who were both forced to work through the pandemic and take the vaccines while those who were able to sheltered in place, were understandably furious.

So here is where we are now.

I always hoped that the people who made the idiotic decision would realise how actually stupid they were and start reversing. They are not reversing - instead they are doubling down. They are doubling down through not bringing any accountability to what took place in 2020 - 2022, imposing censoring on people trying to speak their truth - or ignoring them, it's actually awful to watch, demonising an entire section of the population - so the right demonises migrants and minorities, and the left demonises those who demonise the minorities, and who rightly fear that their qualities of life have been thrown under the bus, and then there is the general fucked up nature of the planet. 

The solution which these Tech Bros offer is some cloud utopia - watching Silicon Valley - makes you realise how held together by tape this entire mess is. And my firm belief that money does not make things better, instead it makes them WORSE, is exactly right. 

Somehow money has the ability to make people do completely irrational things. I don't understand it.

Anyhoo.

Right.

Nothing I have seen since the pandemic ended has been encouraging - from the Ukraine War to the insanity which is taking place in Gaza. I don't understand how can anyone who is rational root for this.

I have also decided to stop listening to YouTube. I have hit peak YouTube. I'm just going back to a pre-internet life. I'll use my phone for Duo Lingo and TikTok, but YouTube is full of self declared pundits who think they are the shit. Just peddling half baked nonsense - well there's your Chris Hedges and Mehdi Hassans which have been freed from the bonds of the mainstream, but by and large, they are generally male, think they have something to say and well, they have nothing to say. It's a waste of time. 

Much better if I just did something more meaningful.

Like write.

I have barely done anything for Atlantis. Barely.

I'm so glad that I no longer have to deal with Peter in any way. The more days I step away from him, the better I feel. It is the independence which is such a relief. No longer tied to chaos.

Right, I'll check my emails and then plan the day. It feels good... my thoughts on the page. I need to do this. Even this ranting and pacing is better than watching shite on my phone.