4.9.23 - The New Day

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It makes me a bit worried that I no longer feel and are as good at things that I used to fell/ be good at.

Apart from the deteriorating eyesight, I have decided to stop looking at the phone in bed at night, and the usual slow collapse of the physical body, like aches and pains when I get up, there are other things - like jumbling up m words, second guessing spellings I KNOW I used to be certain about, being unable to think as quickly - I do wonder if these are a result of Covid - and finally, this is the most worrying of the lot - getting as excited about things as I used to.

Now I don't expect to me an absolute squealing teenager, in facy people my regard me as slightly insane if I was, but at the same time, I should lee dead inside - not that I do feel dead inside, but the percentage should be less. Is feeling not so dead inside - ah yes, I also my train of thought, like I have done now - is not feeling so dead inside a CHOICE? Do I have to choose not feeling so dead inside anymore. Well, its not true though. When I went to the zoo, despite my best intentions, I did not feel dead inside, AND when the kids came back, I felt the opposite of dead inside.

However, in the past, it just happened, like an unending  fountain - and I think, much like my need to so self examination, it is something I must now bring to my awareness. My own consciousness.

It looks to be another wonderful day again today.

Weather wise.

My little meadow is now a little oasis of insect activity. Spiders, hoverflies, etc all live on it. At some point, around the start of October possibly, I will have to give it a full cut and lift the grass off it. And then after that, I will spread wildflower seeds as well as put in bulbs. Next year it will slowly grow into the species rich grassland which I always hoped it would be.

This week's gardening tasks will be to brush the front of the yard and go tidy up the shed. Also start on cleaning the backyard.

It is really interesting this booking system. Dunno how long it will last for. 

But I am going to be positive. The lack of freedom really thanks to the stupid computer is just astounding. anyway. I MUST get going. 

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