#97.20 - Sunday #17: Brimming with Sadness

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Image may contain: sky and outdoor
Over the roofs we float
Loss

I deeply, deeply felt loss yesterday. The loss which is brought on by the full moon. That in the midst of life, we live fully in death. The glory of the light reflected by the darkness of the night. Did you know that the moon is the colour of tarmac, but because space is so dark, it is relatively so bright? I did not know that till this year.

I also looked today at the number of days spent in lockdown and felt a loss too - that I did not make better use of these days. So I promise from now on to do so.

A bloodletting in light, split over the tiles and pavements. Prelude to dawn.

Promise

I went running this morning. Then after messaging friends I made a promise to myself. From this day onwards, I will emerge a better person from the lockdown than when I went in.

I promise.

Where may I be better?

My health. I will use this time to rest, to reflect and to drink lots of water. To exercise, to stretch, to do the yoga I never managed to do. I promise.

My writing. I promise.

My drawing. This I have carried out.

Elements. I promise.

And... my future - I promise. I promise to be free from the horrors of the past. Middle classed and garden variety as they may be.

Garden

 I will have a beautiful garden when all this ends.

My garden will be my sanctuary. It will be my farewell.

So all this too, I brim for sadness.

But it does feel like the side has split. After almost a week of walking towards the sorrow, watching the moon last night filled me with longing - the wishing for a better world. A world which did not fear death because it enabled everyone to live fully. This is not a world which is going to be possible now I see before it destroys itself. I don't know what the future of the planet is, but the people, the men who kidded themselves about making a better one, when they were just massaging their egos or accumulating THINGS and power - those men, they are still here. Perhaps the virus will kill them off. Perhaps that is what it is here to do.

The poetry of the virus - a promise, a garden, a better world. A world in which we can finally discover all it means to be human.

I am ready. I am ready to do my very very best.

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11th May

I think this is when the lockdown will be over. I will aim for this anyway.

I am now writing a goals for the lockdown plan.

By the end of this lockdown, dated 11th May, the following will have happened...

See plan


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