#90.20 - Getting back the mojo

Seven days

After I do my hair today I'm going for my run. It is now 7 pm and it has been a weird enough day. The weekends seem longest. I must really find a way to structure these holidays. Mostly website building I think. And painting. I have put off painting raptors for a long time now and I will do one tomorrow. I am going to use a large piece of watercolour paper. I'm not sure what raptor i'm going to do. Bazzard - start off with a buzzard and see where it goes. They are the most common birds of prey. Or Peregrine Falcons. They are super cool.

Now everything is watercolour to me. I see everything in watercilour.

It was something which I should have done ages ago - paint a bird a day. I was supposed to do two a week. Now I have done one a day. I have done one month's worth of painting in a week and already I'm a much better painter now than when I began. I guess practise does make perfect.

Also I am gardening everyday. So the holidays will look like this:-

4 am: Get up - blog/write - 2 hrs
6 am: Run - 45 mins
7 am: Breakfast
7.30 am: Paint
9.30 am: Admin/ Gargamel
10.30 am: Garden
1 pm: Lunch
2 pm: Nap
3 pm: Elementals
5 pm: Steiner
7 pm: Dinner
8 pm: Chill
10 pm: Sleep

That should work

I should also try and clean the house... I need to modify it a wee bit to allow for cleaning of the house on some gardening days. Like tomorrow I will hoover the house. But I also want to set up a place where I can have video conferencing facilities. Proper ones.

I feel left out - adrift. Floating. Disembodied.

Who knew my 49th year was going to end up like this. I have listened to Yanis Varoufakis who is not optimistic about outcomes. Neither is Noam Chomsly nor Chris Hedges. They all predict the rise of neo fascism. As do I. I wish it was different. The powers which are will suddenly realise that they now have the opportunity to shape the world in their image. And that image will be complete control and people will now police each other. I am utterly depressed. I am now going to stock up on lots and lots and lots of drawing paper. I see Gary - he is adorable.

I am going to use this shut down to lose weight as well. I don't know how I'm going to do this. Eating very little is the best way to do this. The last time I lost loads of weight was in Harapan. I also had awful diarrhea after swimming in the danau in front of the camp. That option is not available to me right now. But yes... losing weight is also going to be a goal. Everytime I feel like eating I will need to clean the house or something. And then have a really strict diet. The house is full of weird food.

Several staples are appearing all the time. We have so much of food that it will last us for another week and a half.

 I am now quite bored of Facebook. I have probably spent around 5 hours a day on it - and that's a conservative estimate. I need to stop staring at the screen. I'm also going to trail lots of Forest School activity in the garden.

Today 708 people died. These figures mean nothing to me because I have no context for them. Really they are absent from context.

How many people usually die? Should the people who have died died anyway sometime this year? Is it right that people who die are left to die and be buried on their own? I cannot engage with these questions - people will not let you do that. Apparently it is ok for people to spend their lives being ignored in a care home, old people are the least respected and beloved of people here, and suddenly when they die of an illness which they are susceptible to, it is not ok. I mean I don't understand it, but that's fine. This is why I cannot engage with the numbers. Meanwhile the rest of us and shut in and made to feel like crap.

I am not taking this lying down. I refuse to do so. I've had enough.

From tomorrow onwards it is going to be all about activism. And real activism. A return to me roots. My roots are calling me home. I must try to order from Art & Home the paper... I cannot believe I've run out of paper...