Do something incredible they said....

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Hey look at two incredible things I did!

My babies
Sometimes it is hard to forget the incredible things which I have done. The sons, for a start are amazing. I could have done with daughters, but hey, the universe gave me sons and they are wonderful. I have always lived my life with the thought of death at the back of my head. Say if I died tomorrow, if today was a good day to die, would I die with no regrets? It seems a tallish order, but you know, it is a good way of making decisions.

It feels very easy now, these days. When I was younger, I had LOADS of energy. I don't think I felt I had to PROVE anything, it was more like having the agency to do things with an unlimited amount of energy. If i wanted to do it, I would just reach out and do it. If i messed up, it didn't matter because you know what, i had a great time doing it anyway. I never really felt that learning from my mistakes was a good place to start when you contemplated failure. To me there is no such thing as success or failure, there is just the fact of living. If you are alive, you should act like you are alive, unless you are desperate for sleep.

On Friday night I went to a friend's house for a party. I was, in fact so tired, that when I drove home at 11 pm I was nearly falling asleep at the wheel. Most people were high in some form or another and I don't do that you know. I don't get high. I was driving so i didn't drink. I was too tired to make conversation. The music was LOUD and this made conversation even harder. Being half deaf it was impossible and most of the people at the party I didn't know. So in the end I just gave up and went home. But it was mostly because I was soooo sleepy.

It was actually the first party I had been to in ages - one where it was an all comers and I didn't know everyone in it. I realised how out of touch I was with making conversations with people I didn't know. I felt a sensation I had never felt before - I felt a bit awkward asking them what they did for a living.

Anyhow, it is now the evening. An entire day has passed by. I have taken some paracetemol because I am developing a sorethroat and a blocked nose and I think I am going in for the flu. I quite enjoy being ill after a lot of school it gives me the excuse to just not do anything for a couple of days.

Right time for bed and some reading and planning. I love planning. I never carry it out but the does the heart a power of good just PLANNING.


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