5.3.24 - Doing some good

I have never been a fan of busy work. What is busy work? Most work is busy work? For instance, when people write papers and give speeches and open shite, that tends to be busy work. Research can be busy work. This is the main reason I did not enter academia. I did my Masters and went, I really don't think I can do this. Even though it was post colonialism and post identity. It was just us talking to ourselves. A lot of lobbying is busy work. Unless it is accompanied by lots of money. Then it is dirty work. So people who go for conferences, what's that about? That's about keeping people from who could be doing real work busy by doing busy work. And then they slap a label on it, give people podiums and let them make speeches and feel important. Then the egos of these people are assuaged and they are kept pleased and docile. 

It's a ruse. It is a ruse I discovered when for a few years I spent it looking at what collateral to brand a conference with, producing conference papers, staffing conferences (making sure that water and sweets were on the table, as if these people would ever dehydrate or die from a hypoglycemic incident) and of course, arranging these people's schedules. It was really rather annoying work. 

But many people thought, wow, we are able to just about touch the hem of the Prime Minister. I am now in the car with the Minister, riding to wherever it is. I am part of the security detail. I am so very important.

All this was fluff and dross. You made no difference to the outcome. In fact you were complicit in whatever shite was going down. At least I could say to myself it wasn't arms dealing - well I don't think it was anyway, and I got out before I got important.

So I chose the life where I am able to be enjoy myself while keeping a space for the magical and wonder. That's the work I love to do. I don't know what happens further down the road, but for now, this is it.

It keeps me sane and topped up. It fulfills me. It is the important work.

=============================

Everyday though, in the past five months I wake up and the first thought I have is Gaza. I wake up to the nightmare. Everyday I seek a way out. I am poking and prodding and trying to find a chink. A chink in the nightmare where I see the Israeli government come to its senses. Where I see the settlers realise that they cannot behave like what - what are the words for these people? So self involved and cruel and evil. How dare they pretend to have any spirituality at all? They are grotesque. They tend to have a wasted away look. That strange hunger in their gestures and movement which meanness gives you. I hope to wake to find that the world's governments have collectively come to their senses and realise you cannot starve children. What is this goddamn nightmare which we all live in now?

Is this the start of us consuming each other?

It is utter facile to post idiotic posts about food and make up and other shite. If you are not posting about Gaza, what ARE you doing? I think, is this too much? But then I remember no, this is not too much what Israel is doing is too much. What the Gazans are going through is too much. It's too fucking much. It's insane.

It's obscene. It should not be possible. Whatever was done to them in those centuries of torture and abuse, they are now replicating that generation trauma on the Palestinians and they are outright LYING about their behaviour.

Maybe this blog will be flagged... maybe I have said too much. Maybe... but if it is flagged, I will just continue to write it in my journals so that one day someone will see them and know that this was where we were.