29.3.24 - Be not afraid

-

Boat time... Oisin and...

Aurelia...


Sometimes sacrifices have to be made. And they are worth making.

My sacrifice was that of the future. I trade my future with my son for... teaching him to be a good person. I had no choice. I either condoned his poor behaviour or I said, well I cannot be afraid of standing up to him. Because I am afraid that if I do stand up to him that he will choose his father instead. So, I had to make a choice. And the choice was, you cannot treat me - nor anyone else - this way. And when you have reconsidered your disrespectful behaviour then you can let me know about it.

And so I had to let go - and I mean REALLY let go.

To say, I took him here and after this, this is who is. He has to decide. 

And I am not afraid.

And it's ok.

It is very very difficult the position which we have both been put in, but I will be a terrible mother if I did not set boundaries. And he can tell himself all the lies which he wants to about his behaviour, he can name call me or my behaviour, but I am not putting up with disrespectful behaviour and I have to send that message. 

And that is the sacrifice. I have been called on to make it, and make it I shall.

So I am stepping out, full of sorrow and sadness, but knowing this is the right thing to do. And I have to understand that this is what I must do. Of course I could continue just accepting the unacceptable behaviour, but I will not. If I do not teach him, then no one will. 

I look back and am grateful for all the great times we had before. I give thanks and leave it at that. I am so sorry that there was no other way. But one thing I did decide to do, many many years ago was to no longer grovel and beg people to be with me at the cost of myself. If he does not understand that, then it will not be because I did not teach him about it. I will be able to look myself in the mirror and say, well, to my own personal sorrow I did try and teach him about this and maybe he learnt - if he did, it can be repaired. If not, then it is entirely up to him that it was never sorted. He is now 17 and at some point I am going to have to let him take responsibility for his own behaviour. I can only be responsible for my own.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Geylang sepaku Geylang

-
Image
Geylang Serai is the place i feel most at home in Singapore. Possibly because a vast majority of the population are still Singaporean and i speak the language they speak there - Malay. Also, it hasn't changed that much. OK, it has, but i'd like to think it hasn't. We ate at the new market there which used to be a little better than an open sewer. But it was our open sewer and we loved it. Geylang was heaving with people getting ready for Ramadan. On the table we have sup kambing, otak-otak, nasi padang and rojak. Drinkswise we have lime juice, Kickapoo and teh. It is hot - really hot. We are all pespiring and we can feel our clothes stick to our skin and bellies and thighs. Our hair is continuously in our faces, dripping and sticking too. The only thing that brings relief is a soak in the pool or a shower and an airconditioned room. No wonder when the boys came back, the first thing they said was, ah, it's great to be back in th cool weather again!. Singaporeans love th...
Read more

19.3.26 - 74 - Eulogy: What will survive of us is love

-
Image
I wrote and read this for Pa at the service. It was in long hand, but I have it here typed out now. It is peppered with verses from the New Testament, because I was asked by the priest to refer to Jesus occasionally, so I made that concession. Big shout out to Ben and the Christian Community whom I spent many a delighted evening reading and discussing the Bible during Bible study class. =========================== Thank you everybody for coming here to honour the life of husband, father and legend which is Eric Sim Chin Seng. Pa crossed over on the 16th of March at 7.30 am. He went peacefully and gently. He breathed his way slowly past this life and on to the new one, leaving his bark, his body, which carried him and his indomitable spirit and endless capacity to love, for 81 years, to say farewell to one last time. This tribute is to you, for you, Pa, who always walked in the sacred steps of Jesus Christ and lived the best life which could be lived. Part I: John 1:14 "The word be...
Read more

6.6.26 - 152 - -70

-
I should try and love Singapore. And I have really tried to love it. Really. But life in Singapore is not real life. Sadly. The only thing which is real about it is my relationships with my family. I understand we lead very privileged lives. We live in a beautiful house and we live in Serangoon Gardens. I get to swim everyday. We never worry about where the next meal's coming from. Very importantly, we have our health and we have each other. These are all very good things, nothing to be sneezed at. But Singapore itself ... that's a different story. Where to begin? I cannot complain because we actually live in a very nice part of Singapore. It's it unique in all of Singapore. There is no other place like it. In fact the government should slap a preservation order on the place. It is an actual village. Ring fenced by the houses and the roads, it was possibly designed by the British Army as a defensible position. Maybe they didn't mean to do it, but it is that way neverthe...
Read more