20:4

I have now settled into a nice rhythm of fasting and eating. The fast takes place between 6 pm and 3 pm. I say 20:4 because sometimes to goes into 7 pm. Sometimes I only eat at 4 pm. It feels great though. Fasting is great because you don't think about the next meal, unlike dieting. You are either or you are not eating. And you can only eat so much when you DO eat. I do not feel hungry, It is strange. I don't feel like I am starving. It just shows you how little we need to live.

After doing this for more or less three weeks, I know that the first two weeks are the turning round of the ship. The third week is when the results start to take place and then the next three to four weeks is when it all occurs. I have seen this happen many times before. I think that I will most certainly be where I would like to be by the middle of June. It feels wonderful. 

I drink black coffee because it feels good to drink black coffee. I don't understand it. I also feel more alert, more awake when I get up. It feels great. I am owning my body again. I am looking at myself in the mirror. 

This time next month I will be very close to where I need to be - until then it is one day at a time. The gradual erosion of water on stone.

It has been a busy old time. As per usual it is bouts of sleep between bouts of non-stop activity. Yesterday we did fairy doors for forest school. The children were so into it. Mixed classes and single classes worked together. 

I told them - go a look at what other people are doing and steal their ideas. I said we take the best ideas from someone else - that is how human beings get better - we share our ideas. 

I loved how the children were just busy coming up with things. We didn't say do this and do that - we said - here do this and they did it. With all the creativity and enthusiasm of children. Children need this - they need this because they will then retain this as they get older. Even if they do not they will always have that wonderful memory of having done this and worked so hard, so hard to get it done... to make it possible...

The gross indulgence of people who over indulge are reprehensible. I was recently told that someone I knew recently was encountered and was told the kind of car they drove. They looked happy and carefree. I said, happy and carefree with that car, I really don't think so. There is someone who still cares about what other people think about them. And has always cared about what others thought. 

When I think of how the system breaks you, that despite your better judgement you will relent, you will literally go against what you know to be true, whatever that truth is, and then capitulate to a system which sometimes rewards you for the trading of your soul.

I do not compromise - because I cannot compromise. Not my very own soul. Absolutely not. Do I do it for happiness? Absolutely no. I do it because I could not live with myself. I know the expression of that person who has deluded themselves. Who against their better judgement, if they ever had it to begin with does things which diminish other people. Or people who get a kick out of diminishing other people. Simple because they are not the other person and are probably grateful that they are not.

Look at the absurdity in the world which has gotten even more absurd by the day - on social media when people are literally putting rubbish up. Literally. It is an abomination. All that server energy being burnt up for what? For likes and clicks and going viral. It is just awful. 

Anyhow... I will wash some dishes and facetime Ma. I haven't done that all week. It is a runaway summer already. And I need to start writing reports...