The weeks passed...

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Well week. 

Today's the day. What will be will be. I am nervous and terrified and really not myself at all. But also excited and relieved... it will all come to an end soon.

I'm going to have a coffee in town and take five before I head to the courts. 

What can I say about the entire process?

That I can look myself in the eye and say I did my very best - while protecting myself. I really did not want to meet and discuss things with him with untrained mediators. I did not want to because I had to protect myself. 

I said to a friend yesterday that having more contact with Peter will just open you up to being exploited and that is not what I want at all. Just more opportunities to be hurt. I do not believe people who say they have a good friendship after they get divorced or leave each other. One party always hurts more. The hurt is not the same on both sides. Another party has to put up with the grinning and bearing it. Even Simone de Beauviour and her famously open relationship with Sarte admitted she was completely pissed off with him. 

I am just super honest about feelings really.

I cannot be doing that because guess what I am all tapped out.

But really today I tried on a dress from twenty years ago and I looked 6 months pregnant. So the dieting has got to start in ernest for Singapore now. I will lose all that weight. I have 9 weeks to do this. I think I have lost SOME weight - but I cannot be sure. But from now on it will be very strict. Very disciplined. It will be as little as possible to get me burning all the things I have to burn. I cannot be looking like a dugong - like a MASSIVE dugong.

It is also v unhealthy. 

Ten weeks...that's 2 kg per week. I can do this.

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