Beautiful evenings
Today we did drumming. It was good to do that again - to reconnect with the land once more. The Quarries are really quite something... a throwback I imagine to a time where the land and people were in balance.
I feel incredibly blessed really.
This morning though I read my own journals... it made me feel so relieved - that person who suffered so much. That person had gone. That I could have felt so much pain, that I could have put up with so much by way of effort, and more or less have done everything on my own... it was just amazing that I could have lived through so much. My blog tells only a third of the story. Everything, any real pain or sorrow or joy or delight was contained in my journals. And now - my goodness I don't think I would ever place myself in that same position again. Never again. I will never suffer like that again.
Never.
And I KNOW I will never do that again.
It just won't ever happen again. Never.
I need to plan my week now. When Ghin goes to Peter's I will do that.
The not eating for 12 hours thing is working. I weirdly do not feel the need to snack in the evenings. Where previously I would have absent-mindedly grazed all night, I don't do that anymore. I still need to halve the food I take though. I hate writing about food and eating on this blog because it is picked up by some idiotic algorithm and used to sell weight loss shite to me. The amount of stupid weight loss techniques out there are just unbelievable. They are completely insane. If you want to lose weight, just eat less. Easier said than done, that's true, but the one time I did not eat for three weeks I lost about 10 kgs. Actually I might try that again. I did not exercise. I just did not eat.
Simples. And then in Harapan I halved my food and got a case of the runs. That also made me shed weight pretty quick. In both cases, I did not do any exercise. I couldn't.
BUT this has inspired me... this has been a day of finding the self once again. Doing Ghin's exam timetable made me wonder if I did have a system like that. But I remember working at 2 am, 3 am in the morning. 5 am as well. When did I sleep exactly? It seems mad.
I have sent Ghin off back to Peter's but I have given him a schedule and the structure for a routine. And I am hoping that that is going to be enough. He said to me, I had so much fun this holidays. I'm so glad I stayed here. And that I did all this revision. I said to him, I think that you worked so hard and it is great for you to see you can do that. And that you are going to be able to do this. Then when we dd your schedule you had a sense of what is required.
It is so quiet not having here now.
Well it is time to head to bed. Ah I have to plan my week out...
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