March ends
Can't QUITE believe we are at the end of March. Longest first three months of the year EVER!!! I am soooo looking forward to the end of April. I am hoping that it will indeed be all over and done with.
But yesterday we did so many things - we made nettle soup watched the play, we finished off the Easter eggs... I only EVER sit down in the teacher's room. If you want a job that has you on your feet all day, teach. In many ways it is the job that is for me. Every day is new, every day is different, I have to learn new things every day - every day is fascinating and the children of course make it all worth while.
For a while I did wonder if I did really enjoy this - and then Covid happened and I realised how much I missed the children. I literally CANNOT imagine not working with children any more. Literally. It is impossible.
Today we head up Slemish. I was sooo tired when I got back yesterday, that I just fit for nothing. I made dinner and then had a meeting with Jemma and fell asleep. Well dozed off.
It has been very exciting this year working with the Fostering Network and I've also been asked if I will do a summer scheme with GROW NI. I feel like... maybe I should I don't know. I can't turn it down really, can I?
So today's picture is...
I had ice cream with Ghin the other night and after a while we began to talk about this guy called Kimo which he met. Then we talked about Jim. And then we started to talk about him staying with Peter. He told me the reason he stayed there was because of the room which Peter had given him - overlooking the lough and it was a space of his own. I did get quite upset and he began to get quite upset as well.
But this time, I worked through my own pain with him. I said, Ghin, I want you to know that yes, it is hurtful, but I also want you to know that this between us nothing will destroy it, especially not dad. What we have between us, between you and me and Oisin - we are good. We are solid. And the only time we EVER argue is because of what Dad has done to us. So I am not going to let that happen. I also know that we have all these amazing memories and all those wonderful times together. We never ever got upset with each other then. I also want you to know that I am in a really good place personally. Yes I did have to make decisions which were so painful, humiliating and shameful - again all to do with your dad - and it was so hard for such a long time. But now it is coming to an end and I am so glad that I made it. There are no more questions there. I am so glad that I'm at the end of the process not at the start of it. Finally, I am in a good place personally. I have my health and you guys are good. I am strong. I am respected in school. I have a great class which I adore and which is doing well. Elements - working outdoors with other people - is doing well after 3 years. I am developing a reputation for being able to work with children and deliver great content for them. I am so lucky. Not only that I have a life which I have led which is largely, I would say 85% awesome - probably more - because I have been able to choose what I do and I have been supported in it. And the time we have together is so precious I do not want to spend it arguing about something stupid. It is not happening.
The only thing I would say is I do not like it when people tell me they are going to do something and then go back on it. Usually I am good with that. But if it happens too much then I will end up being disappointed and hurt. So you need to be honest with me, because honesty I can take. It is the lying or the duplicitiousness which I find reprehensible. So if you can't make it let me know - do not leave me hanging.
And I was very proud I was able to do that.
Comments