#252 - 262

-
Yesterday was beautiful. Ghin and I had breakfast and then went for a walk along the Holywood seafront. It was misty and cool. Breakfast was the Bay Tree and the walk was peaceful and calm. It was a delight walking with Ghin. Poor Ghin. He accidentally broke up with his girlfriend. He seems to be taking it alright. He misses her but he is holding up well. I'm trying to be there for him. I hope that he knows that it will be alright.

After that we got home and watched Community. Well I did. He played on the Xbox. It has been a horrible horrible week, but that has passed. Of course every week some new fresh horror will be unleashed, but we do what we can to ignore it. The word evil was used by three different people - well, more than three. But evil is what it is. Evil and jealousy and the refusal to accept responsibility and consequences. I cannot believe that I lived this for so long. I have lived to tell the tale.

I am now officially bored. Bored of this whole saga.  

Yesterday I told Ma that this is only going in one direction. Well I wrote my manifesto and I will have to stand by it. It is something which I need to remember when it all kicks off once more.

It is just what I have to do. I also was saying to Emma this is just the last of the cis white old guys not understanding what they are dealing with. They are dealing with a world in which they no longer will be put up with for infinitely. When I think of what his mom put up with and what I did and just the constantly flagrant violations. I don't understand how I am not in counselling.

Well I have done nothing but give of myself to whatever I have been doing selflessly and unstintingly. That is just the way I am. Whatever I do I do 100%. Unless I am too tired. Then I am a puddle on the ground. But today marks my return to everything. I once went running in Belvoir Park Forest and I recall myself saying I can only look forward. I can only go forward. I cannot go back and this is me going forward today.

It is only ever going to be tough and difficult and awful. Everything is with Peter. Why it should be anything else I do not know. I should stop just expecting anything but nonsense from him. The constant badgering and the constant nonsense and the using of the boys. The using of everyone and then blaming everyone but himself. 

Then the expecting me to be nice to him and him being nice to me. After years and years of awfulness he does not seem to understand that being nice to me is creepy. It is like someone who has trapped another person and used them and then when that person finally walks out on them or finally manages to find the strength to leave to then have their captor and exploiter be nice to them. It is awful. I am not being nice to him. I am being firm and strong. Not polite. Especially when he does crazy idiotic things. I wonder in which universe is he being encouraged and heralded? Just be businesslike and respectful by getting on with it instead of making me drag everything through the forest backwards.

I have had enough. Enough of everything.

And it will still keep on coming. Well I have already started writing the saga of this divorce. It's good be a good one.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Geylang sepaku Geylang

-
Image
Geylang Serai is the place i feel most at home in Singapore. Possibly because a vast majority of the population are still Singaporean and i speak the language they speak there - Malay. Also, it hasn't changed that much. OK, it has, but i'd like to think it hasn't. We ate at the new market there which used to be a little better than an open sewer. But it was our open sewer and we loved it. Geylang was heaving with people getting ready for Ramadan. On the table we have sup kambing, otak-otak, nasi padang and rojak. Drinkswise we have lime juice, Kickapoo and teh. It is hot - really hot. We are all pespiring and we can feel our clothes stick to our skin and bellies and thighs. Our hair is continuously in our faces, dripping and sticking too. The only thing that brings relief is a soak in the pool or a shower and an airconditioned room. No wonder when the boys came back, the first thing they said was, ah, it's great to be back in th cool weather again!. Singaporeans love th...
Read more

19.3.26 - 74 - Eulogy: What will survive of us is love

-
Image
I wrote and read this for Pa at the service. It was in long hand, but I have it here typed out now. It is peppered with verses from the New Testament, because I was asked by the priest to refer to Jesus occasionally, so I made that concession. Big shout out to Ben and the Christian Community whom I spent many a delighted evening reading and discussing the Bible during Bible study class. =========================== Thank you everybody for coming here to honour the life of husband, father and legend which is Eric Sim Chin Seng. Pa crossed over on the 16th of March at 7.30 am. He went peacefully and gently. He breathed his way slowly past this life and on to the new one, leaving his bark, his body, which carried him and his indomitable spirit and endless capacity to love, for 81 years, to say farewell to one last time. This tribute is to you, for you, Pa, who always walked in the sacred steps of Jesus Christ and lived the best life which could be lived. Part I: John 1:14 "The word be...
Read more

The Central Business District

-
Image
The Thinker in the OUE building Yesterday i attended a talk which was organised by some environmentalists here. It was held in the NTUC building which was in the middle of the business district. It has been years since i have been here, so i set out early to walk about the place. Everything is very very large  I arrived during rush hour and people were simply pouring out of the MRT. The crowds were swarming down escalators and out of offices - but they were not overground. No, they were underground, at the MRT. In fact thee was no one above ground. For the business district at rush hour, above ground was eerily quiet! There must be dozen of buildings which look like these To think that hundreds of thousands of people work in places like this. I used to work in a place like this. Admittedly these buildings are far more swishy and very sleek. It was like being in some espionage film set in the future. There were rehearsals for the National Day Parade and Sarah...
Read more