#308 - Practising what I preach

 

The most detailed model of ONE human cell to date, obtained using x-rays, nuclear magnetic resonance, and cryoelectron microscopy data sets. Aren't we all just so filled with magical possibilities? ❤️

Most recent estimates put the number of cells in one body at around 30 trillion. Written out, that's 30,000,000,000,000.

Source and Credit: Transformation of the Cellular Landscape through a Eukaryotic Cell, by Evan Ingersoll Ingersoll Gael McGill ~ Digizyme's Custom Maya Molecular Software

Biología Al Instante

This one photograph has inspired me more than any of the lessons I have learnt in my life. This one photograph.

I wrote this to go along with it before I shared it on FB. 

Human beings, stop being such assholes. We are being powered by forces unknown to us, beyond our comprehension and which we will waste our time trying to comprehend. Forces which look after and care for us. Which leaves us with only one freaking job and it is to love each other. Thats it. One freaking job. And look after the planet, ok, two. Two freaking jobs, which we will do if we loved each other. Everything else has either been sorted or is pointless. On the last day of your life here you are not going to say i should have spent more time at work, no you are going to say i should have been there for the people and the things that mattered to me.

Then today I woke up and felt crap. A crap shot. I hate people who are awful to other people. Self centred, conceited, damaged people. And that is the point isn't it? We are ALL damaged and we end up being insecure, awful, stupid, show offs... blow hards or try hards or just idiots. I generally don't engage with people like these, but really, really... I should just fucking grow up right? I really should. They are not asking me to be best friends, they are jut asking me to be my best self. If I do have one regret it is that I was unable to react placidly to people like this. So I now have two regrets. That I didn't get divorced in 2014 and that I was unable to behave with dignity towards annoying people. I can say they are both equally huge.

But it was this photograph that really brought this to mind. This morning and got up and thought about how annoying this and that person was. And then I thought I also know I am annoying... then I thought about this photo. What the fuck is wrong with me, I asked? OK if someone doesn't want to be nice to me that is their problem. But I need to rise above all that shit. I need to be better. When presented with crap anyone can be part of the crap shoot. The important thing is to be better.

I'm not going to be a saint nor martyr, but I am going to be my best self. And that is what I am going to do even if it kills me. I will DIE doing this. Because of this picture.

Photograph.

What about it finally got through to me? I think the impossible complexity and the beauty of it. That we are being looked after in our bliss and ignorance by these beings which hold us and take care of us just made me fall to my knees with the understanding of my ingratitude. When we are caught up in the crazy of the day, our astrality can get the better of us. Instead, here it is - evidence that each of our cells is working so hard to keep us alive. To help us age. To carry this soul and spirit through the cosmos... to bring us beauty and light and happiness. Each of these cells... from this moment I will work hard at strengthening my inner core and slowly letting in those from the outside. I will work hard at letting love drench me. This does not mean not protecting myself. I will still have to do this... but I will work hard at looking after myself and being good to others, not just people who are nice to me. Or people who are lovely. Anyone can do that. I want to do that because it is not worth it waking up in the morning and feeling like crap and having to start the day feeling like crap. From here on in... I reverse the habits of a lifetime.

Unlearning, unlearning.

And being kind to myself. 

Yesterday evening I sorted things out in the house. And I helped Ghin with his maths. Then he did some history. I meanwhile tidied and sorted. Today after I get home from Elements I'll do the sorting of Elements and finish off emails. It is a long road to organisation. To continue, to be on top of things.

It has been a long time coming really.

But yes, being good and thinking good... so much in life is terrible and awful and difficult... I have made up my mind here and now that I will only be love. Do not bring us to the test lord, but that will happen anyway, won't it... in which case, please give me the strength to go on. Please give me the strength to be the better, to be the larger, the kinder, the more forgiving person. Please let me do that, help me to do that. Please. That is my prayer each morning. My fervent wish. My only wish from now on. 

Allowing myself to be better than I am every single day.

So I have decided what I will be getting for Christmas. A Palestinian calendar for my closest friends. The ones here and the ones across the world. It will be nice.

All these friends. 

I must give myself time to heal over the terrible scars I have with Peter, but it is healing and I can feel it. I can feel the distance has enabled me to let go of all the resentment and the pain and the anguish and the disappointment and regret. I feel a little stronger. Better. More healed.

Time, time, time...

It is softening and being becoming better.

It feels good. OK... Time to get some breakfast and call Ma and then start the rest of the day. Remember... we are all made of stars. That photograph connects us completely and fully and utterly to the entire cosmos. There is no other job for us to do apart from love each other. I must remember that every second, every moment, every hour I am awake. And I will do this even if it kills me. I will die trying to do this.