#188 - RK: When you can't sleep and just force yourself to eat

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Prata and sup kambing
Went to RK this morning... we have decided what we will do today. This morning I am going for my run and then we will go for something with Ma and Pa. Oisin wants to get his book so we are going to Kinokuya - I may just get something to do with business plans. Then we will go for a swim when it is warmest. After that, around 5 pm I head out to see Lianne and the boys have the evening free to do whatever they want. I will ask Ghin to read something before he goes onto the iPad. The days are creating themselves, as they always do. 

There is also something about this time round. A feeling of calmness and collection. For the first time in a long time, I have a strong sense of what I am going to do next and how I am going to do it. Like I have woken from a deep slumber. No longer is my life in the hands of assholes who have made it impossible for me to move forward or who hold me back, but now, now I am taking control finally. Being allowed to take control. And the best part? The best part is that my sons are beside me. They have always been front and centre of everything I do and they are here with me. I have spent every moment I can with them, for them, and I now know what I have to do next and through that relationship which we have built up with each other, I can see the future. I can give them my own confidence and I see them resonating that back to me. 

My darling sons. 

All the pieces are starting to arrange themselves - after having said all the pieces are in movement and for the first time, possibly ever, I understand not only what must be done but also how to do it. Ghin has pointed out something quite interesting - there have been no mosquitoes. I have not been bitten since I have arrived which is unusual. I know this is something which can't continue, but no mosquito bites 24 hours in being here is certainly not business as usual.

Planning time. Awake at 3 and now, planning time. 

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