#175
Yesterday's Nice Thing: Meeting up with another friend and discussion the business, then just hanging out at the house, enjoying the silence.
Yesterday I went for my run and ALSO put on my first pair of non stretchy trousers and was delighted I fitted into them. So the non sugar diet and the exercise all of last week did work. Good to know.
Yes, life is remarkably beautiful. To think last year we were in Jura. This time last year. This time last year we were in Scotland. And now, we are at home, and soon we will be in Singapore. Back to the club, and roti prata and... it has been just amazing really.
I am going to get so much out of being back in Singapore. Everytime I go back there I recharge. Then when I return to Northern Ireland I become inspired.
So much to think about.
I am also getting my hair done on Saturday. Really looking forward to that now.
What else is there?
The boys, of course... and walking. I'd love to go walking - which I am doing today anyways - before I leave as well. The weather today looks amazing.
So, when I look back on this year, what do I think?
I think I worked the kids so so hard. Really, like maniacs. I made them really work and tried to do my best re getting things like grammar and concepts around maths sorted for them. We didn't do as much as I wanted to, but we never ever do really.
I am also looking forward to what next year holds - the promise of next year. I am going to continue to be the best damned Steiner teacher I can possibly be. That is not going to change. I think also next year I am going to fundraise to attend my own Steiner Easter and Summer courses. Everything feels so strong, I have actually never recovered from school as quickly. I had a one day crash and now I am back up again.
I understand now that life is not meant to be easy. It just isn't. In the last chapter of Man as Symphony, Steiner talks about our purpose here on Earth. It is simple - to love. To bring human warmth and love into the world. I can personally say what a struggle that has been to not feed the Ego. To refuse the trappings of status and accolades and money. To actively say no, this is wrong. It is madness really. And then, to say what else is there? Nothing is easy. It is not meant to be.
Balance. Always balance. And I must return to my writing over the holidays.
Yesterday watching The Wife, I felt so sorry for the protagonist who had to use her husband as a front. She had to write and if she didn't use him, she would not have been read. They used each other. It made me think about women who have subsumed their lives for their men.
There are a few things which I realise now - and it has taken me 50 years to realise it. Also there have been numerous unexpected roads which I have gone down. Children, for a start. I never wanted children. Then I had them. Now I wouldn't be without them. I have always wanted to be a Steiner teacher, and now I am a fully-fledged Steiner teacher. Seven stripes - and now a combined class. OK. I think it is late enough to go for the run. Then I MUST do the laundry.
I have also noticed how FB has changed utterly over the years. It is a feed now of endless drivel and people trying to promote things. No longer about connecting. Although could it ever have been about connecting? Could it ever have been more than a narcissist's fantasy? People telling other people how wonderful they are? People hiding behind the facade? It is tedious and dull because everything is supposed to be wonderful.
The Dawn Chorus is getting quieter... to find the beauty in life. To find that still quiet centre. So I am going on a digital detox for the rest of my time alone. No movies and no FB - only blogging and communication - essential communication. It will be good for me. If I am going to be bored, then let me be bored. To refind myself and my path back to meaning. My path back to purpose.
As a teacher, I put everything I have, I channel everything I have, into the life of the children. Reading, writing, researching. Delivering. Getting up every day to deliver the work I do. It is not easy. I am wrung out by the end of the day. Then I get up and do this all over again. The holidays, especially these holidays are a time to take stock. A time to take sometime out. A time to reflect. A time to say what worked and what didn't work. A time to lie in the arms of life again.
Experiences are good but for me they don't last. I mean travel. I love travelling, but I can take it or leave it. The most important for me now is to create an outdoor curriculum which is based on anthroposophy. And to write. To write the stories which have made my world possible now - the stories which Steiner has given us. To find my voice, to keep a hold on it. To enrich it. And that is my purpose - nothing more and nothing less. To live out my life as best I know how. To potentise the Earth with love, no matter how imperfectly. That is my purpose now.
Yesterday I went for my run and ALSO put on my first pair of non stretchy trousers and was delighted I fitted into them. So the non sugar diet and the exercise all of last week did work. Good to know.
Yes, life is remarkably beautiful. To think last year we were in Jura. This time last year. This time last year we were in Scotland. And now, we are at home, and soon we will be in Singapore. Back to the club, and roti prata and... it has been just amazing really.
I am going to get so much out of being back in Singapore. Everytime I go back there I recharge. Then when I return to Northern Ireland I become inspired.
So much to think about.
I am also getting my hair done on Saturday. Really looking forward to that now.
What else is there?
The boys, of course... and walking. I'd love to go walking - which I am doing today anyways - before I leave as well. The weather today looks amazing.
So, when I look back on this year, what do I think?
I think I worked the kids so so hard. Really, like maniacs. I made them really work and tried to do my best re getting things like grammar and concepts around maths sorted for them. We didn't do as much as I wanted to, but we never ever do really.
I am also looking forward to what next year holds - the promise of next year. I am going to continue to be the best damned Steiner teacher I can possibly be. That is not going to change. I think also next year I am going to fundraise to attend my own Steiner Easter and Summer courses. Everything feels so strong, I have actually never recovered from school as quickly. I had a one day crash and now I am back up again.
I understand now that life is not meant to be easy. It just isn't. In the last chapter of Man as Symphony, Steiner talks about our purpose here on Earth. It is simple - to love. To bring human warmth and love into the world. I can personally say what a struggle that has been to not feed the Ego. To refuse the trappings of status and accolades and money. To actively say no, this is wrong. It is madness really. And then, to say what else is there? Nothing is easy. It is not meant to be.
Balance. Always balance. And I must return to my writing over the holidays.
Yesterday watching The Wife, I felt so sorry for the protagonist who had to use her husband as a front. She had to write and if she didn't use him, she would not have been read. They used each other. It made me think about women who have subsumed their lives for their men.
There are a few things which I realise now - and it has taken me 50 years to realise it. Also there have been numerous unexpected roads which I have gone down. Children, for a start. I never wanted children. Then I had them. Now I wouldn't be without them. I have always wanted to be a Steiner teacher, and now I am a fully-fledged Steiner teacher. Seven stripes - and now a combined class. OK. I think it is late enough to go for the run. Then I MUST do the laundry.
I have also noticed how FB has changed utterly over the years. It is a feed now of endless drivel and people trying to promote things. No longer about connecting. Although could it ever have been about connecting? Could it ever have been more than a narcissist's fantasy? People telling other people how wonderful they are? People hiding behind the facade? It is tedious and dull because everything is supposed to be wonderful.
The Dawn Chorus is getting quieter... to find the beauty in life. To find that still quiet centre. So I am going on a digital detox for the rest of my time alone. No movies and no FB - only blogging and communication - essential communication. It will be good for me. If I am going to be bored, then let me be bored. To refind myself and my path back to meaning. My path back to purpose.
As a teacher, I put everything I have, I channel everything I have, into the life of the children. Reading, writing, researching. Delivering. Getting up every day to deliver the work I do. It is not easy. I am wrung out by the end of the day. Then I get up and do this all over again. The holidays, especially these holidays are a time to take stock. A time to take sometime out. A time to reflect. A time to say what worked and what didn't work. A time to lie in the arms of life again.
Experiences are good but for me they don't last. I mean travel. I love travelling, but I can take it or leave it. The most important for me now is to create an outdoor curriculum which is based on anthroposophy. And to write. To write the stories which have made my world possible now - the stories which Steiner has given us. To find my voice, to keep a hold on it. To enrich it. And that is my purpose - nothing more and nothing less. To live out my life as best I know how. To potentise the Earth with love, no matter how imperfectly. That is my purpose now.
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